Simon: "Always about you, isn't it. 'I'll be in Maria, I'll be in Torchwood, I'll be in any bloody show that'll have me - even Buzzcocks.'
"Right. Well Bailey, you cheated there."
Bill Bailey: "Yeah, I cheated. What of it? You ain't the boss of me. I ain't never gonna be your bitch."
John to Simon: "Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed."
Bill: "Yeah!"
Simon: "You've out-gayed me, Barrowman!"
John to Simon: "Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table and go!"
Simon (looking all devastated): "I haven't even told my mom yet."
"Black lady does this homosexual on television!"
"With white man in the middle!"
"What are you doing? You were adjusting your facelift there?"
"Talk to the hand 'cause the wrist is pissed!"
"You've out-gayed me Barrowman!"
"Let's have a gay-off! Ready? Lips pursed, hands on the table aand go."
"I haven't even told my mum yet.."