I am Rattus Norvegicus.
I'm sittin' in some shithole rat's nest and I'm a little angry.
I wanted to be a talkshow host, not a rat.
You men think you have it bad with women?
Well, I've got it a lot worse, let me tell ya:
What am I gonna say to some nice looking girl who I wanna meet?
That I can tread water for over 36 hours?
I can chew through leadpipes and cinderblocks?
I can run on telephone wires?!
And what if I do get the girl home?
Can't fit her through the door, it's too small.
Yeah, I've got a lot of gripes.
How would you like to have a tail the length of your body to drag around all the time?
Not my idea of fun by a long shot!
And do you see the neighborhoods that I'm forced to live in?
Those people live like pigs!
Can't catch the subway, they haven't built it yet.
Can't catch the uptown bus, I can't reach the step-up.
Hey taxi!!
And everyone wants to kill me, feed me drugs and poison, put electrodes in my head, make me run on treadmills, dissect, bisect and infect me.
Bind, blind, maim and tame me.
Are you folks crazy?!
You never invite me to your parties, as if I would really wanna go anyhow.
Have you ever asked me to go to a movie?
How 'bout bowling?!
You ever seen a rat cry?
I've got tears and I have a heart and I've got brains.
And if you could just see past the fur, I think that you would see that I'm a lot like you.