found the deep love inside

current song ~ Time of despair by Entwine ~ Keskiviikko 28.06.2006 22:50

I longed to hear this song again, now it's not connected with my mood, for the first time, just I had a feeling that I need to hear it, *in this time of despair* oh...can't wait for the new album

Eternal is the pain that you gave me
Lonely roses wither and die
These tears of mine stain your veil
I'm forced to hide and fade away
So soon the time will come
Take my life and bring me to the ground

In this Time of Despair
When all that you love is dead
It's my desireless game to be alive

It's a heart of stone that beats inside
I'm forced to climb over the walls
Stillness falls upon this endless night

In this Time of Despair
When all that you love is dead
It's my desireless game to be alive
I'm trying to get well
But I'm just cryin' for the end
It's my desireless way to be alive

Eternal is the pain that you gave me
Lonely roses wither and die

Negative tour 2006Keskiviikko 28.06.2006 22:44

21-11-2006 Negative, Vienna club Szene, I wanna go, to hear Anorectic album and enjoy the time, what you think Pee?

weird dream last nightKeskiviikko 28.06.2006 14:12

Woah, what a weird dream I had last night. For such a long time I haven't had a dream about musicians and yesterday even about two, hehe lets say two in one.

The explanation in brackets is the similarity in real life.

The first one was situated on our high school party at the end of our studies, it was some leaving party or better to say ball.

I left pretty fast after beginning (at our leaving party I left after one hour or so and my teacher reproached it to me yesterday) and went to some kaffee. There was Eicca from Apocalyptica and I went straight to him (hehe, this will never happen in reality that I would dare to go to some person, not even famous) and started to talk to him about music. He was nice and we talked a bit, I asked about Kalevala (Finnish national epos). If Kalevala theme reflects in their lyrics/songs and he said yes. Then I had to leave to the leaving party again, it was important and he promised me to wait for me so he went away with me to that party.

I sat down at a table and Eicca sat down near my table so I could clearly see him.

Then it was the end of the ceremony and we met again to going on talking about music but my first dream ended up in here so have no clue what happened next maybe I asked him, if the music of Jean Sibelius influenced their music lol.

But I have no idea why Eicca was in my dream. I like some songs by Apocalyptica but I don't know all of their work and I didn't even browse the internet to search for sth about Apo so really have no clue why he was in my dream.

The second dream was weirdest. I know why I dreamt like that. Becoz of this picture:

I found it out yesterday, the pic from Raumanmeren Juhannus 2006 and I was pretty angry.

Look at Teemu, hes wearing dress, same idea like Eero (TR) had few years ago, Jussi wearing the same sweater like Eero in recent gigs and Antti (actually he is a sweetheart, so I couldn't be angry at him that much) looks like bald, since when he's wearing scarf?
Oki, there is nothing weird about what they wear, the scarf is pretty useful esp. in summer, the sweater is probably more uncomfortable in summer, but that's Jussi, what we would expect from him? And the dress, its quite comfortable to wear it in summer, esp. without underwear!

But you know, I was angry (not that much but still) becoz of the similarity with TR.
Actually I respect when Janne told me he doesn't like TR, I respect their opinions, I respect even what Teemu says about TR in media but hey, some things are too much he can express his thoughts (we live in democracy, at least I hope so) but some of his words get me angry. How can he even dare? *no, stay calm*

So about the dream. It was in my bedroom, my friend came to me and brought me new album of Uniklubi (will be released in first quarter of 2007 maybe) so we listened to it.

First song was like it was sang by a woman, no Uniklubi sound at all, second one was I think Huomenna (so definitely Unis song) and the third one. Actually it didn't sound like Uni again, was sang by other male artist but I thought it's by Uniklubi anyway. It was a coversong from The Rasmus. And becoz I was so freaked out from yesterday (the similarity with TR in dressing, esp. Teemu) I got angry that Uniklubi even dare to make a coversong from The Rasmus (have no clue which one unfortunately). Actually it wasn't that bad one, but I thought it's by Uniklubi so I was swearing and for me it was shit what they did.

Then suddenly appeared Jussi (singer of Uni) right in front of me in my small room. He probably sang the coversong and I started to beat him and he fell down to the ground.

Well, when I woke up, I was pretty ashamed that I was so angry with him becoz of nothing but hey, it was a dream, in reality I can't even kill a fly (coz it's too fast for me). No, I probably know why I was dreaming like that.

Yesterday I had quite bad day so first came Eicca (it could be any other person in the world) and comforted me becoz I could speak about my fave theme, music. And then I was a bit angry with esp. Teemu and Jussi and becoz I would never ever express my anger in reality, at least it vaporized in that dream.

PS: take it just like a dream, no offence to anyone!

Within Temptation - AquariusMaanantai 05.06.2006 21:40

I hear your whispers
break the silence and it calms me down
Your taste on my lips
your salty kisses

They say I'm seeking out the danger
That one day you won't let me go
(I'll drown, you'll take me down)

I need you Aquarius
enchanted I will have to stay
I feel you Aquarius
cause you the sea set me free
You call to me Aquarius
(You call to me, you set me free)

I relinquish to your powers
From your grasp, I just can't hide
Missed the danger I had to conquer
You made me feel alive

They say I have to be aware
that one day you won't let me go
(I'll drown, you'll take me down)

I long for you Aquarius
I need to be with you again
I fear you, Aquarius
My destiny till the end
I love the orchestral version, so damn amazing!

Placebo live @ Rock am Ring 4-6-2006Maanantai 05.06.2006 19:53

Awww... it was all so nice!
Great gig (like I've been to so many gigs of Placebo, right *rolling eyes*)!
But I can say I heard lots of live songs or gigs of Placebo and this one was pleasant!
I love when the whole audience is lapping their hands along the sound ohh...was pretty cool.
Even though I promised myslef to go to their gig in Czech when they come back, I don't have money so no gig for me :(
So I can be glad I was browsing the MTV Germany and found out that 20:15 will be their live set on TV.
I was pretty freaky, didn't know where is some empty video tape (it's been ages I've been recording for the last time, it's been also ages I've been watching TV for the last time) but everything went right so the gig could start.
The setlist was:

Infra-red (the lastest single)
Because I want you
Space Monkey
Special Needs
Post Blue
Song to say goodbye
Follow the cops back home
Every me, every you
Black eyed
One of a kind
Bitter end
Twenty years
Running up that hill (cover of Kate Bush)
Special K
Nancy Boy

But I was missing This picture (sob sob)
Anyway, they surprised me a looot with Running up that hill coz I know the version of that song in the original way and also (my fave) version by Within Temptation but this was cool!
Cannot compare to WT anyway.
The songs from Meds album I don't like much. Only Song to say goodbye which has really interesting video but they played my fave from Meds called Follow the cops back home. Nice slow ballad I'd say and live it's amazing!
With Every me, every you everyone had to recognize Placebo coz this song knows really everyone but Black eyed was WOAH. Of course I do so much love the video version of that song coz it was the first song I've ever heard from Placebo and I have totally great memories for it.
Bitter end the great fast song. I love the end in here, it's pretty messy or how to describe it.
And Twenty years? The memory of my promise (which I'm breaking) to see this band live and the video and ahh yep, it's all about memories.
When I was watching the gig it was like book of history. From my beginning with the band with Black eyed to my latest love Follow the cops back home. But it's been few years already but all those years were pressed into like an hour set.

Kiitos Pee!Torstai 01.06.2006 00:51

Hey hou!
I'm so tired but anyway, I'm so fuc*ing glad that I could spend such a niiice day with you sweet!
Really, woah, you made my day, my week :) I could be myself again, thank you a lot, more than ever before probably.
Have nothing to write 'bout English, it sucked but it's over woohoo.
Hope those two people are invisible and you can enjoy your time to relax .-)
It was lots of fun and maybe nerves today, but it was worthy day.
I miss the chance to go with you to Finland, but it's better of this way, I'm pretty sure but I do not have money so whatever.
But please, more than anything, when you come back, you have to tell me everything you will want, okey? I'm longing to hear how you spent your time in this wonderful country & 'minun Kaupunki' *going pink*.
Rather go sleep, tomorrow another English test but in Brno, so it's so close, I feel home there not like in the STRANGE Prague.
Kiitos once again and sooner or later, see you there .-)

Listening: Missing pieces by ShamRain
stare into nothingness
in the empty hearts abode
pale figures, the mirrors show
our souls have turned to stone
our hearts have lost their glow
in a paradise useless
in reality worthless
don't let your dying dreams escape
hold hard that precious way
to stay alive...
forever in love with Mika's voice !
Inside alone
this world's coming down on me again
Nowhere to run to
as these twisted thoughts flow through my head
I never wanted to break away
Can't help that I don't feel the same
And now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

These silent words you'll never hear
These frozen thoughts will not appear
And I'm breaking down inside of me
Still no one sees

I stare into myself I'm scared
of what I just might find
A reflection of my past
something I've always tried to hide
Now my life is coming apart
Why must I always be this way?
Now I'm standing here
asking myself if I'm to blame

I can no longer take this
The pain that lives inside of me
Must find a way to erase this
So I can finally breathe
All the millions of dreams that you got are
whipped away with no meaning
And those thousands of hearts that you broke
are crushed now without a feeling

Despise the one who cares
Hate the one who tries to help
The pain becomes your bliss
when you rely on truth that doesn’t exist

Now you have lost your home and the one that loved you most
Undying dreams are gone and your heart is cold like stone
You still end up alone

In despair you have sacrificed it all
Everything that matters the most
had a dream of my class, it was sad and I know becoz of what, in September they all will go to University but me, will still coming to high school
your Child in the dark
Lost myself in an endless goodnight
Kept the time by the patterns of the streetlight
Couldn't get it right
I could never get it right
Sadly, this is a wasted conversation
Lost on you, lost on you
This is a test of my patience
Your blue eyes are so cruel
I can't escape all the things we said
I've taken years off my life with the weight of regret
Now there's nothing left
There is nothing left to lose

Shouldn't I feel alive
I swear that I tried
To be alright
To sleep at night
Shouldn't I feel alive

The night fades with a breath of sunshine
I do my best to adjust to the morning light
I can't keep my place
Feels like I've been awake for days
Sadly, you turn away and now I'm faced
With the harsh truth, the harsh truth
My cold heart is a place where true love cannot bloom

There's static on the airwaves
I'll try to find the light through all this haze
I can't find the words that I'm trying to say
So try to forget me as I walk away
This band has perfect lyrics, totally fit the situation!!!!!!