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[nalleann]

[nalleann]

found the deep love inside

PaintingSunnuntai 28.06.2009 20:59

I had such a huge urge this morning to paint/draw something after like so many years I haven't done anything. I found out my old school crayons and they are almost untouched, except the black colour (strange, one could say what colours I liked back then :D). I should start trying to draw unless I will leave it behind like before and I don't want to, it's the only creative thing (except web design) I can enjoy.

I didn't want to succumb it but I didLauantai 27.06.2009 21:28

On one side I understand that MJ influenced whole generations of people, even my granny knows him (beside Lauri from TR she's the only singer she knows) and even though she doesn't understand modern dancing (anything newer than from the folk dances), she told me that his moonwalk was unbelievable. On the other side it might sound strange, but I'm happy for him that his strugles, pains and sorrows were blown away and now he is in neverending peace and harmony. Great for him, not for us, but don't be selfish and wish him peace after those 50 years of giving himself to us, we should give him something back.
In this occasion I started to remember my time with him... well nothing much. I remember listening to him since I was 3 years old. My parents bought me a vinyl of his album Dangerous with that amazing eyes on the cover and so I learnt how to play it on gramophone. I listened to it sooo many times, then I got a cassette The Ballads (yeah, it was 90s so no CDs or internet) and sing along with it so much that my parents couldn't stand it. It was also my first English lesson as I wrote down exactly what I've heard so something like 'vač jů vana dů' (what you want to do), it was so much fun and so many changed since then (I actually understand what he sings about not even needing the lyrics!!!). And I remember I have a biography of him, no even two books about him, one with his lyrics or poems, I can't exactly remember and the second one as a bio. I will might search for it. And a VHS (at that time no DVD yet) with his most famous video clips.
But it's unbeliaevable what he means for most of us, almost the same. His songs following our lives, in sadness and happiness. He will never die but we were the lucky one to be able to live in his era!

I don't like this whole media boom around his death even though it's understandable and also the fact that now all his debt will be payed off but it's too much.
At least I think the song Will you be there is perfect one of someone calling for help esp. the spoken part at the end:

Hold me
Like the river Jordan
And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

Weary
Tell me will you hold me?
When wrong, will you scold me?
When lost, will you find me?

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight 'til the end
But I'm only human

Everyone's taking control of me
Seems that the world's
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show it to me?
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bare me

Hold me (show me)
Lay your head lowly (lowly)
Softly then boldly (yeah-ah)
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Lead me (hold me)
Love me and feed me (yeah yeah yeah)
Kiss me and free me (yeah-ah)
I will feel blessed (I'm only human)

Carry (carry)
Carry me boldly (carry-y me)
Lift me up slowly (yeah-ah)
Carry me there (I'm only human)

Save me (save me)
Heal me and bath me (lift me up, lift me up)
Softly you say to me
I will be there (I will be there)

Lift me (don't leave)
Lift me up slowly
Carry me boldly (yeah-ah)
Show me you care (carrrre)

Hold me (whoo)
Lay your head lowly (get lonely sometime)
Softly then boldly (I get lonely, yeah-ah)
Carry me there (will you be there)

Need me (whoo)
Love me and feed me (lift me up, hold me up, lift me up sometime)
Kiss me and free me (up sometime)
I will feel blessed (yeah-ah)

(Spoken)
In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart

Saturday morningLauantai 27.06.2009 12:25

I woke up a bit earlier than usually to listen to Sham Rain songs and get my memory wandering in Finland. I dug out the address www.maion.com which I loved since my first visit few years back and suprise, I still remember that address. I love their photos and it helps me to 'wander' in Suomen nature much more (while over here is a rainy weather, ew). So let me dream :P Just few months and... you know :D

KyoLauantai 27.06.2009 01:44

Nice to hear he finally opened up himself in front of public in Berlin and enjoyed it, smiled and talked, seems like we both had great day :)

AnomiePerjantai 26.06.2009 22:56

I'm so in love with the song by Matenrou Opera http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQBqS3hR-DQ
It's so catchy and yay, it cures my scars after Diru.

Michael JacksonPerjantai 26.06.2009 11:10

I never imagined this day would come but actually he's gone!
It was my idol since I was three years old, okey, I stopped listen to him because of his scandals etc. but anyway. Rest in peace which you didn't have on Earth!
I got to Prague at 11 am and meet up with my former class mate Monika so we went to her place and chatted. She really didn’t change much. At around two I set off to Palác Akropolis and got in plan that I will sit in some cosy caffee and wait for people who’s coming to the gig. Well, it was raining quite much at that time and there was no caffee nearby so I desperately sit in some pub and took out my Finnish for self-learners and started to read. Not so long after there came two girls who obviously seemed to look like they are attending the gig and after like an hour I finally grab my braveness and went to talk to them if I can join them. I could and we actually had fun time together, chatting about anything from Finland to Japan. I was delightful that I’m not there all alone and they were actually pretty surprised that I chat with them and so on because nobody who they first met in the venue didn’t seem to pay attention to them.
And then was the time to get inside Palác Akropolis, well, I thought I will go to the balcony, it was closed due to construction. It was very small and well I didn’t like the interior as on the photographs. We met some other fans who were nice people and also some Japanese who came just to see them and who follows them all around Europe.
I was standing on the steps to the balcony in the back, it was perfect place for me (since my head was all dizzy) and there weren’t many people, it was 1/3 empty. We’ve waited for the support band so I sat down and relaxed but then…. Sa bir started and I was like SHIT! Quickly searched for my camera to prepare and couldn’t believe that there was no support band after all.
The lights were horrible, mostly red and some green, so ‚perfect‘ for photos, but the gig was AWESOME! I still can hear Sa bir in my ears as if I was there, I remember how everything trembled, how my ears almost hurt because of the loud ‚noise‘ and how amazed I was.
I can barely describe what I felt back then, it was something undescribable. They started to play and I couldn’t grab my breath. And then Kyo stood up on the step in front of him and woah, such a teeny tiny figure standing there. He looked so peaceful, calm, mature, almost like, well I can’t describe. From the entire gig, he made me feel so different about… wel everything. I mean he’s so tiny but his voice is so powerful, so amazing, so different in every single second. Most of the time I watched with my mouth wide open, especially during his acapellas which were unique as always.
The rest of the band were great too but didn’t make such a huge impact on me as he did. Die was all smily especially in the end (well he drunk out a whole bottle of Jägermeister and gave the empty bottle to a fan :D).
They played mostly fast songs, none I would really love to hear but anyway it was CRUEL :D in positive way. During those fastest songs I couldn’t believe it can be even performed, I had to stay perfectly still to be able to perceive them. And when Kyo sang like you know those crying parts (like scream fulfilled with pain) it really hurt, I had to shut my ears up but fortunately it was very brief and rare.
It was very strong experience, not only the gig itself, but also those people around and I got the feeling, that I do want to get to know Japanese people, the country and language. I even realized that how I couldn’t remember the lyrics of the songs before because it’s quite difficult, now I sing them without looking and hear them as if he was singing in my room. I guess now it will be much more easier for me to remember them, especially those which I love like Zakuro, Mushi and Embryo.
And now it’s over. First I got pretty desperate, but now it’s a bit okey, I’m still recovering though. I’d love to have that insight of Kyo, I knew before the gig that it’s going to be special, it was, I only didn’t know how much, in what ways. I dare to speak about it as a life-changing experience, well maybe it was just first step but I felt really different before the gig and now.
And I can’t listen to Uroboros, it hurts, I know sounds stupid, naive, but it does.
Yeah and last note, I had some image in my mind about them, from what I’ve seen on the internet, but the live erased all of those toughts and I do not really believe that Kyo is so desperate and sorrowful, he seems like he knew something more than most of us. Maybe it’s because of the time spent in those budhist temples which makes special ambient around him.

setlist:

Sa Bir

Inconvenient ideal
Vinushka
Obscure
--
Stuckman
Audience KILLER LOOP
Dozing green
--

Acapella

--
Toguro
Glass skin
--

Acapella

--

Bugaboo
Reiketsu nariseba
Merciless cult
Agitated screams of maggots
Gaika

encore:

The Final
Saku
Clever Sleazoid

And Kyo said "Nashledanou" (goodbye) so hopefully they'll come soon enough, before I'm a grandmother :D

[Ei aihetta]Torstai 25.06.2009 00:25

Seems like I can leave Dir en grey behind since it's over and nothing new about them come out untill well, next year?
Anyway, the feeling they awaken in me and the mood I'm in (plus those unanswered questions and urges) made them live forever in my eyes, hopefully I can get on happy note once again tomorrow when I get proper sleep!

...Keskiviikko 24.06.2009 18:41

Will write a little report later when I get myself up from the night.
Thank You Pee for everything, I really appreciate it even though it might can't be seen!

17 hours to goMaanantai 22.06.2009 21:50

and I'll be in Prague.
Today was sooo much fun even with that delayed trains!
And tomorrow, suppose to have 3 meetings, one stop at Marimekko and an absolutely amazing gig of Dir en grey (should be longer than all those at this tour 'cos they've never been here) and then Brno and Banana :) yaaay, CANNOT WAIT