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finally, broken, lonesom, but home, at least few days for studying, how much I hate myself that I didn't study more... my fault and I have to pay for it, but I won't loss/fail one more time, no way, not from such a stupid subject!

and hyvää joulua everyone and happy New Year

Ani

On Monday my mom called me that my bro had a car accident... O.o
I was like somebody would stabbed me in my back (again)... after my shock and very long time she told me he is allright but at night I had a dream about my brother, it was the first time I had a dream with him! We both we're crying about the accident even though he had only light bruises, but still... I realized how much I love him even though I've never told him!

And since today I know what means: heart broken... the pain is so weight and my heart is torn into million of lil pieces just because of... I was walking the streets, sitting in buses with tears in my eyes, almost burst into tears too many times but I couldn't, there were people... oh, that's my weak side, I always think what other thinks about me and then... I miss lots of things, feelings, people...

nevermind, I always just mumblening, why not today but since September I've learnt so many things but still I'm just a kid who doesn't deserve love of someone else than family members and who can't dare to feel what people in my age can feel, 'cos they always say, you're a lil kid, you'll never know what we know, you'll never feel what we feel, you're nothing and stay in your childish shoes forever

~ Like the naked leads the blind
I know IÂ’m selfish IÂ’m unkind
Sucker love I always find
Someone to bruise and leave behind
All alone in space and time
ThereÂ’s nothing here but what hereÂ’s mine
Something borrowed something blue ~
~ Ask for answers ~
~ Teenage angst ~
~ Without you I'm nothing ~
~ Sleeping with ghosts ~

Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign.
Instead there is only silence,
can't you hear my screams?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are,
but one thing is for sure,
you're always in my heart.

I'll find you somewhere.
I'll keep on trying until my dying day.
I just need to know whatever has happened,
the truth will free my soul.

Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home.
I want to embrace you and never let you go.
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul.
Living in agony cause I just do not know
where you are.

Wherever you are, I won't stop searching.
Whatever it takes, I need to know.

---

It's my long-time fave song by WT and now, I'm realising that all those songs I used to listen to have the right meaning for me. And this one too only with one difference, the person is not dead and eventhough he's so close, I need to find my way to him...

Koneeseen kadonnutta
Ei voi takaisin saada
Kulutettu, käytetty
Ruokkimaan ympyrää

Luotettu ehkä liikaa
Siihen että aika korjaa
Se minkä vuoksi nähtiin
Niin kovin paljon vaivaa

Että hajalle saatiin
Se mikä kauniisti tarkoitettiin

Kipu kuolee huutamalla
Alastomana lattialla
Miten kauan sitä kestää
Ei, sitä ei voi tietää

Kehen sattuu ja kuinka paljon
Siitä kysymys elämässä kai on
Kun on saavuttu siihen pisteeseen
Ei mikään ole varmaa

Maailman pisimmät tunnit
Niiden otteeseen jää kiinni
Niitä kantaa loppuun asti
Vaikka itse ei aina huomaa

Millainen on se taivas
Jota ei löydetty koskaan
Olen kuullut paljon siitä
Osan jopa omasta suustani

Voi niin pitkälle jaksaa
Kun itselleensä vaan vakuuttaa

Joku meistä on onneton
Palanut mutta tunnoton
Katuva mutta uskoton
Enemmän kuin rauhaton

Periaate on ehdoton
Perustelu on aukoton
Yhtälö ehkä mahdoton
Miten niin muka armoton

Kipu kuolee huutamalla
Alastomana lattialla
Vaan miten kauan sitä kestää
Ei, sitä ei voi tietää

---

hope I'll be able to see them 23-2-2007 in Nosturi !!!!

The long-waited gig was on Tuesday in Vienna, very pretty city for rock gigs :)
On my way to Vienna or better to say in Vienna I've got lost, but I found my way after an hour :D
Then me and my friend (later friends) have been waiting for the gig since early afternoon.
The gig itself was very good, no it was great, not amazing, but GREAT.
I enjoyed the support band Jann Wilde & Roses Avenue a lot. The joke with bananas and stuck drum's sticks was nice even though it irritated me due to lack of time. But the band is very entertaining and I like the voice of Mr. Wilde, but I like more the voice of 'Boy George', he really looks like him.
Nice idea that both of them are singing, I mean, most of the songs were sang by Mr. Wilde but some of them by 'Boy George'.
And Negative? The absolute highlight for me was Angels won't lie which I longed to hear for so long live, I was disappointed they didn't play it in Vienna in February, but now, ohh... even though they stopped before my fave 'I'm sleeping with eyes wide open'.
They played quite a lot of the old songs and also previous singles which I enjoyed the most probably, pretty great old times (oh the memories) and of course, I love them for playing In Memoriam (Immortal Peace)...
I think guys had nice time on stage, the audience was good too and what absolutely shocked me was Nakki. I was just staring at him while he was singing so high and in other song so rough, it was niiice.
And Jonne's voice... greeeat, only in the club was poor sound, not that bad as on Kryštof gig in Brno, but for example I first couldn't hear Mr. Wilde at all but then it was better.
I have 6 pics, will put the links here later, and vids.

PS: Sorry to Mr. Liimatainen, he'd understand it if he'd know about it...

Currently listening: Entwine - Time of despair

pics:
Mr. Wilde: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010002.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010005.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010006.jpg
Tender: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010003.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010004.jpg

Ngt: http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010170.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010169.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010168.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010167.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y67/JonneNegative/Vienna%2021-11-06/P1010165.jpg

... and PLACEBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vids: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=nalleann
audio: http://www.bigupload.com/d=413E4EB3

their new album, well, nice to hear new songs by them, I like some of them, but I didn't have time to listen to it more and with lyrics but like my friend said, it's about death, cancer, family

EDIT: I liiike the new album, can't wait to translate the lyrics but you know, few months ago those words would help me, now I feel like I'm sorry for the person who has been living the lyrics :(

well yesterday was a nice day, but why am I starting with the end?
on Monday it was a sad day, and when I saw no interest in his eyes, I slightly told him goodbye my friend, goodbye my love
on Tuesday ... what was on Tuesday? oh yeah that mobile phone, but I used to the fact, I can't dare ANYTHING to him
on Wednesday was my last chance, I planned it for a week or more and then I went to speak to him and it was niiiice, those lil secrets and so on, and his cute voice, and the same day we met in the afternoon again for like an hour and it was better coz there were no one else, it was really nice to talk to somebody like him, but still I can't use to the fact he told me things from his private life, he's a teacher, he shouldn't do that, but I calmed myself with the thought that he's Spanish, his character, soul and mind is different to mine but hei, I was so damn surprised that he knows a bit Finnish and so on and on and on (still looking for freedom, no, I might found it by you)
and to the topic 'Jussi', I was watching him for long time without being recognized and he has the same hair like Jussi (at least I think) and that beard, but then he is totally totally different
okey, that's all, tomorrow another working day and my sweetie upnorth, keep on rocking and take the best care and I know you do coz you're home, finally :)

no not by Beatles, by life :)
it was nice, again 5 hours in a bus, but I was at home a day before, and it was great to see 'Tom' (from high school) again, hehe my first reaction was, that I stuck my face on the bus window and stared at him lol, I'm glad he couldn't see me, and he got off the bus on a different bus station than he should, but then, when I caught my bus home, I saw why the destiny wanted me to see him, he was walking with his girlfriend to his (maybe her, dunno) home... but have to say I started to smile because they two looked very nice in eachothers arms :)
so at least I don't have to be worry about him anymore, he is in good care, so at least someone
and in the bus from HK to my hometown in first moments I really badly missed HK O.o what is unusual for me, to miss city in CZ, where I study, but it was at the same time nice to know I feel quite good in HK finally, and that's just because of one person, too bad (maybe too good) that he'll leave in few months, but it's better that way
so hope you all have great time and have to say I miss my past, but it's gone, there is no need to miss it anymore

http://www.youtube.com/v/4u5jvdAmFEA
:D