IRC-Galleria

So my Landlord and I went down to get some dinner last night. We went to a Chinese food stall where you basically get a plate of rice and then you just point to whatever you want..siis; chicken, fish, vege-whatever. It's all cooked up like normal Chinese food (with all kinds of sauces etc.) so you can't always know exactly what you'r gettin'...case in point:


Me (to the worker): Hi, I'll have that and that.
Landlord: Oh, that sweet and sour pork is really good here.
Me: Yeah, I'm not too adventurous, I just like the normal Chinese food you know?
Landlord: Yeah.. the food here can get pretty strange.
Me (to the worker): and I'll take that one too...
Landlord: Oh yeah, and that pork liver you just chose is also pretty good here.
Me: Uh.. oh.... yeah, pork liver? yeah.. (nervous laugh) it's pretty good. :/

So you can imagine what was still on my plate when we left.

So, Singaporean tips from Homegirl: always ask what you're eating.

Girl knows what's up-

Good girls are pretty like all the time
I'm just pretty some of the time

Good girls are happy and satisfied
I won't stop asking until i die

Good girls don't say no or ask you why
I won't let you love me, until you really try

Good girls are sexy like every day
I'm only sexy when i say it's ok

-Robyn. "Who's that Girl?"

There once was a girl from San Deigo,
Who, when someone asked her to party said "Hey-Let's Go!"
But by the end of the night,
She looked quite a fright and of course all the boys said "Hell no."

She thought "But tonight can be different! I'll buy something brilliant!"
As she strolled through the mall with no cares,
She kept her eyes out
for something to shout
And thus make all the boys stare!

And that's when it hit! "I'll show off my tits!
With a vibrant Bikini of Gold!
And when I finally arrive, my beauty will thrive!
And all of the boys will be sold!"

But according to history, her night was a mystery
as she woke up with hair in her eyes,
She had too many drinks, and not many winks
And again had no man as her prize...

When she looked through her camera, it all became clear
As to why no one would be calling her "dear,"
With sand on her face and her hair out of place, it was apparent she had had too much beer.

As the legend fortold, her Bikini of Gold
Could not help her out at this time,
As this girl from San Diego, who always says "Hey- Let's Go!"
Just always wants to have a good time.

After a good laugh with her friends, the damage would mend
As she tucked the Golden Bikini away
"That night was just past, only the memories will last!"
Until she summons the bikini again...


Aahahahahah!! Where do I come up with this stuff??
Woo-Hoo ZoukOut 2007... I dedicate this poetry to everyone who gave me a drink and the millions
of pictures of me wasted showing off my bathing suit. What. A. Night.

If you've got short hair put your hands up, if you've got short hair make noise, if you're confused about Finnish men put your hands up, if you're confused about Finnish men make noise.

::clearing my throat::

I, Homegirl the Bling Bling Pimp, feel moved to write this as I have heard some horrific stories and experienced a few of my own in the past months.

As I had expressed before, it is a dangerous and brave thing to approach a man alone, as you may become disoriented. This works in both ways. You may become disoriented, forgetting why YOU approached them in the first place (as stated in previous entries) but you may also fall into what is called what-just-happened-o-phobia, or develop a form of perpetual SMS:ing.

In the event of the later, the man in question (studies have shown 95% of which happen to be Finnish and extremely good looking) will in fact treat you like the godess that you are for a period of approximately 5-7 days (studies have also resulted in shorter periods.) This does in fact include sms:ing, meetings; dates if you will; sexual intercourse (without you sneaking out in the morning) ;) cuddling, and holding hands/touching hair etc.

At the end of this 5-7 day period, is the onset of the what-just-happened-o-phobia. Do not panic. Panicking will only result in this perpetual SMS:ing. The man in question will cut contact and will either act like nothing happened or push away with phrases like "I don't want a girlfriend" or "we should take a break." This is a growing disease and many advances have been made in a cure.

As of December 2007, the most effective way to medicate this disease is to find a much uglier-but sweeter- guy and to surround yourself with Robyn music for no less than 3-4 days. Feel free to start using the hot guys again after two weeks. -haha.

For more information and support please visit this website: cutttheirballsoff.com. (not a real site... yet... buah ha ha ha.)


Cheers! Now let's drink!
<3 Homie and Babycakes.


hahahahahahahahhahaha.. how's that Mapsi? not my best.. but I think we'll all appreciate it.. ha.

Men Are Like...

... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your ass.

... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials.
Most everything they say is bullshit.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

... Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

... Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.


I like the parking spot comment the best. Have a lovely day.
-Bling Bling.

As a concerned member of society, I'd like to give out a friendly reminder to all you sexy party animals partying this Juhannus weekend:

Please be smart, wear a condom, don't take drugs if you don't know where they are coming from and don't take drinks from strangers unless those strangers are sexy and you've seen the drink poured from the bar desk.

For the ladies: men are never as cute as you think when you are drunk.
For the gentlemen: your game doesn't get better the more beers you have, it in fact becomes much worse due to common incidents such as red, half-closed eyes and bad breath.

This weekend is about partying hard, but you'll be much happier on Monday morning if you haven't contracted herpes or some strange rash from a gang rape that happened after someone drugged your drink.

Peace, love and cardio-

Lollipops,
Homegirl aka"Bling Bling Pimp"

Have a crush? Have a secret admirer? Well, chances are then when you go out and perhaps become intoxicated that you will feel confidence like you've never felt before and think "Now is a great time to call them!"

Don't do it. Polls have rated the drunk dial as not only harmful to your ego the next morning but also shows the ineffectiveness of a drunken text message or phone call when trying to actually hook up with that special someone.

I know what you're thinking "But homegirl, when I'm drunk , I won't remember these things!" It's ok, just follow this simple procedure. You will need post it notes, a pen and your phone:

Take out your phone and find the number you drunk dial. Then take the pen and write that number on the post it note. Put the note then into your desk top drawer or some other place it won't become lost. Delete the number from your phone.

At first it seems odd to delete the number from your phone, but remember that you have the spare number in your desk at home. Don't worry, if that person wants to see you, they'll call you. Until then, you seem cool as a cat and can enjoy a night with all new people at the club without the embarrasing realization of all your drunk dialing the night before.

Remember, Homegirl knows best.

For my biatch Mape: Keepin' it gangsta' white girl style

Dear Diary,

It's been 9 days since I've seen my beloved Mape. I knew the day would come that she would indeed have to go home back to Kiuruvesi and leave us alone here in JKL, but I never knew it would feel like this. I go to visit her old house and sit in her room-my heart crying- wondering why she doesn't call, why she doesn't visit. My cider glass has been (almost) empty since she left-I see it and think "When will I go out again?"

The weather is getting warmer now and we ventured to a bar...without Mape. We didn't need our coats and we didn't have to pay to get in! But alas, Mape wasn't there to enjoy that simple pleasure. I eat my pizza alone-no one to spoon me in bed, or make me creme fraiche/ketchup pasta for me when I have a hangover. I miss my Mape.

Ode to Mape. Please come home.

hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

But seriously bitch, you know you have more fun in JKL than Kisis. :P

I think the lovely Jay-Z put it best...

"Ladies is pimps too go'and brush ya' shoulders off"

Although cute and intriguing at first, ladies watch out, these species of men are totally and completely unable to be understood. Some studies have even found them to be more complicated than women. Lastly, never attempt to approach a Finnish man without a friend by your side, for risk of becoming completely disoriented and confused and possibly forgetting why you approached them in the first place.

ha-

:) Always remember, homegirl knows best.