IRC-Galleria

so.. where to begin.. I saw my old shrink today, she's retiring in the autumn and wanted to see me face-to-face before that.. we talked about how my things have been going.. the usual stuff: school, the therapy @ Toivola, my medication, relationships and so on.. she thought it would be good for me to think about stop taking meds, not like 'go cold turkey' or anything, but tone it down so that I could see what life was like without them.. where the therapy has got me.. maybe figure out things while battling with the deepest stages of my depression.. Well, I said, sure.. the idea scares the hell out of me, but if you think that's what I oughta do, fine.. I'll try it, in the autumn.. the more I think about it, the more complex my feelings about this upcoming 'event' are: I mean, I get her point - it's not good to dope yourself up and just lull into a state of false happiness.. to get to the bottom of things you need to get down and dirty.. It's just.. you know.. when you've spent the best part of your life feeling so f-n' miserable that you wake up wishing you'd died in your sleep..and.. no the person responsible for the therapy (besides myself of course) is someone you can't really relate to and feels somewhat elusive all the time.. you really don't feel like giving up the only thing that's keeping you going and sane..
I'll ask her opinion about this next Monday, but I think she'll agree with me that it's better to see how things are in the autumn.. especially, when I've been chosen to tutor the new English majors..

Yeah, that's right.. you're looking at one of the new tutors! :) Makes you feel sorry for the n00bs, right? But those of you who know me well enough know that I'm as loyal as they come.. and I like taking care of other people and their problems.. it puts my own stuff in perspective and lets me concentrate on something else besides the demons inside my head..

Some of you might've noticed that I've been doing some 'research' on polyamory. Few weeks ago on a tv-series for women," G-spot", there was a story about polyamory and it was something that I had been thinking about, but did not have term for. I've been thinking how strange the idea of living your whole life with just one person is.. I mean, sure, it's romantic and everything, but given the fact that half of the marriages end in divorce and the other half might have problems dealing with cheating and so on.. wouldn't it be wiser to agree that you are free to f*ck around as long as it doesn't change the way the couple leads their life? Don't take me wrong, 'cos polyamory doesn't mean that! It's synonymous with 'responsible non-monogamy'.. where all participants know the score.. it isn't about sex.. more about deep, intimate relationships with more than one person.. sure sex can be a part of that, if the rules have been so decided among the people. It's amazing how complicated and yet so simple the idea is :)

One thing that's been bothering me is this: If you live in a polyamorous relationship, how easy is it to begin new intimate relationships? It must depend on the persons in question, I mean, that's self-explanatory(?).. But if you think about this from the standpoint of one's own life: say you've decided with your partner that OK, you and I, we're in a polyamorous relationship.. we're free to date other people, maybe even have sex with them.. but remember to use a condom or other type of protection! How do you meet people who'll understand that you're not cheating your partner and they're OK with you being with who(m)ever? If you live in a closed surrounding or are thinking about someone from where you both might work.. maybe their friends.. aren't they going to shun you? If know that person, they're in a relationship with someone I know.. *cold shivers down the spine*

I don't know.. you tell me.. :) fortunately, I've got the benefit of not being polyamorous (at the time.. don't know about the future, 'cos the idea intrigues me, even though I like the girl I've been with for more than six months(?) and I'm with as long as she doesn't dump me. The other thing is that I don't know too many women who'd even be interested in me.. 'cos I'm with someone.. and they'd only get a guy who knows a thing or two about the female anatomy.. so basically just sex and friendship.. and love, but not the kind of love I have for my significant other. You can love many people, but be IN love with one person? How does that work in polyamorous situations? I don't think love is something you can count.. it certainly isn't a count(able) noun.. there's 'love' and 'the love'.. but not 'a love' or 'many loves'..? Therefore love isn't something you could stock and run out of.. you can fall in or out of love.. but it isn't like bread or something that runs out.. The fact that you love your friends doesn't mean you couldn't love your partner.. so why would the one relationship exclude the possiblity of being in love with someone else?

The thing that makes it harder to have many relationships is time.. and space.. you can only BE in one place and time.. unless you've cloned yourself or are schizophrenic or something.. and even then, your body is in one place and your mind somewhere else.. That's possible and occurs in everyday life.. think of the times you've been listening to someone really boring prattling about their personal problems or their spouses healt issues.. and you go into your happy place.. or think about the grocery list..

But I think that's enough prattle from my part.. :) Oh yeah, unless, I haven't said it here on Facebook, I'm moving in together with Aino.. we'll move at the end of this month or the beginning of May and I don't know when we get the Internet connection working in the new apartment.. it should be simple as we're moving to a place owned by the same firm

~O~