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:LTiistai 30.09.2008 02:31

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

"First I come out, wearing a tuxedo, playing Brahms. Just as the music reaches a crescendo, my wife in an evening gown runs on stage and undresses me before dancing provocatively on top of the piano.

"Just as I finish playing the song with my cock, my wife strips and does a backflip off the piano in a split on stage. Once her naked ass hits the floor, my 7 year old daughter and 13 year old son rush on stage juggling flaming lawn darts. My wife does a handstand and catches the lawn darts in her cunt, she then manages to queef them out, making her the third part of this juggling act.

"The queefs force her to squeeze out a few turds, which I eagerly start smearing on my naked body, which arouses me quickly. Once I'm fully aroused my daughter and son take turns blowing me while my wife straps on a monstrous dildo and begins reaming each child while i ejaculate in the eyes of my offspring.

"Once I cum, I run into the audience, shit-covered body still sticky with cum and grab my parents and in-laws to involve them into the act. I strip them all nude and instruct them to start a circle jerk while screaming racial slurs. So my mother and father-in-law start screaming, 'Fuck the niggers' while mutually masturbating, and my father and mother-in-law begin diddling one another and chanting, 'I hate spics and jews!' Once they reach a geriatric climax, my wife uses their ejaculate to lube up her fist which she uses to start fisting me.

"As my asshole is violated, I start playing double dutch with my kids, and once they get tangled in the ropes, start a torrid 69. All the sucking and slurping cause my in-laws and parents to get aroused again and they start sodomizing and fisting one another.

"My wife at this point has completely started dry-heaving, so she vomits all over my ass and my back. I line up each of my family members who take turns licking the chunks of spew off my back and out of my ass.

"By now my children have to defecate so I tell them to shit in each other's favorite orifices. My son, ever the trooper takes a thick, dense shit in his sister's vagina while my daughter shits in my son's nose.

"My young daughter also conveniently starts her menstrual cycle shortly thereafter, and the menses and boy-shit in her cunt make for great lube, as each of my in-laws begin fucking my daughter. My son, blinded in shit, heads back to the piano and does his best Stevie Wonder impression while my wife runs back into the audience to grab a toddler from the crowd.

"She begins stuffing this child into her vagina, while my parents begin screaming how she's possessed by Satan and start performing a nude exorcism on her. The power of christ compels them to kill the toddler, which also makes it easier to cram into my wife's lovehole.

"By now, I'm so horny and aroused that I start fucking the dead baby inside my wife while my young son starts licking my asshole and fingering his paternal grandparents. My in-laws finish abusing my daughter and start wrestling each other, which culminates in a huge powerbomb through the piano bench. The impact shatters my mother-in-law's hips, leaving her crippled.

"The strain of the throw caused my father's bad heart to seize, and he collapses in a heap on the stage. As he gurgles and foams at the mouth, my daughter runs over and begins rubbing her shit covered pussy lips all over my crippled mother-in-law.

"My wife grabs the wooden shards of the piano bench and begins playing her father's dying body like a xylophone. My son pulls his tongue out of my asshole and begins sucking his dying grandfather's cock.

"I diall 911 and call for the paramedics who revive my father-in-law and then take turns fucking my daughter and eating the menses and shit out of her tight cunt.

"Once he's conscious we all assemble in a large circle holding hands and chanting gibberish before launching into a rousing group impression of 'A Downs Syndrome' perspective on the horrors of the holocaust, 9/11 and the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

"As we're moaning and screaming, my son runs off-stage to get the family dog. The dog runs over to my crippled mother-in-law and begins peeing on her. Once the dog finishes leaving her in a puddle of piss, my daughter stops blowing the paramedics to light the dog on fire.

"The dog yelps and howls before collapsing. My son runs over to fuck the burnt corpse while screaming, 'White is right!' as my daughter begins goose-stepping around the stage, squeezing shit out of her cunt and offering Nazi salutes to the audience.

"My father-in-law begins raping my father, claiming that he's doing it for the forgotten Vietnam vets and POWs. My mother puts my crippled mother-in-law on her shoulders as I put my wife on my shoulders and we play a game of naked chicken.

"Once my son finishes fucking the dead dog. He takes the pieces of the piano bench and begins crucifying the corpse. Once the dog is hung like jesus, he begins weeping at the foot of the cross, saying,'Why my god have you forsaken me?'

"My daughter mounts the top of the crucifix, using it as a wooden dildo. My parents, my in-laws and my wife join hands at the center of the stage and start singing 'The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music'

"I grab the lawn darts and shove one up everyone's ass before heading back to the piano to finish off the show with a rendition of Freebird."

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Demon Rush!"

[Ei aihetta]Tiistai 29.07.2008 18:28

[14:06:24] <[SmuG]Isaac> lege
[14:06:30] <[SmuG]Isaac> do you want to play ta spring
[14:58:19] <Lege> i dont think i can
[14:59:04] <Lege> im taking a sunbath right now and im with my laptopo
[14:59:04] <Lege> and this wlan is such a piece of shit it isnt working
[15:00:32] <[SmuG]Isaac> i dont want to plau anymore
[15:02:33] <Lege> so it worked out fine in the end i guess
[15:02:49] <[SmuG]Isaac> because you didnt play i ended up playing internet poker while drunk and losing
[15:02:50] <[SmuG]Isaac> thanks alot lege

[Ei aihetta]Torstai 24.07.2008 01:52

[21:54:33] <[noob]nota> finland weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[21:54:51] <[noob]nota> what does finland think of america?
[21:54:58] <Lege> we dont think
[21:55:12] <Xa> We like your burgers of ham
[21:55:26] <[noob]nota> lol, depends on who makes it
[21:55:47] <[noob]nota> never eat american fast food... it contains poison to kill the poor people
[21:56:09] <Lege> welp, theres no problem since theres no poor people in finland
[21:56:18] <Xa> Yeah
[21:56:29] <Xa> Fat wallet = protection from poison
[21:56:30] <[noob]nota> it still contains poison
[21:57:03] <Lege> we have trinkets and rituals against AMERIKKKAN poison
[21:57:40] <[noob]nota> what does finland people do for fun?
[21:57:54] <Xa> Hunt polarbears
[21:57:57] <Xa> Mostly
[21:58:02] <[noob]nota> nice
[21:58:27] <[noob]nota> do the poor/drunk/dumb people freeze to death in finland? is everyone have blond hair and white skin?
[21:58:42] <Xa> As stated, we don't have poor people
[21:58:49] <Xa> The blond people are in sweden
[21:58:51] <[noob]nota> did they freeze to death?
[21:58:58] <Xa> Polarbears ate them
[21:59:20] <[noob]nota> do polarbears eat you if u are black? what about global warming is it happeing there?
[21:59:44] <Lege> we have a season called summer only because of global warming
[22:00:02] <Lege> also im black
[22:00:26] <[noob]nota> has finland changed alot since global warming?
[22:00:55] <Lege> yes, theres no vegetation or animals besides polar bears
[22:01:09] <[noob]nota> are you joking with me?
[22:01:28] <Lege> what? no
[22:01:31] <[noob]nota> :( i didn't think finland people would be so rude
[22:01:40] <[noob]nota> bad first impression :(
[22:01:58] <[noob]nota> french people are nicer
[22:02:08] <[noob]nota> shit, even the germans are nicer
[22:02:21] <Lege> but ultimately theyre dumb and ugly so nobody wins

[Ei aihetta]Torstai 17.07.2008 04:16

[0:40:20] <Lege> so guys hows it going
[0:41:30] <orange_crayon> alright
[0:43:04] <Lege> good, good
[0:44:17] <Lege> what are your opinions on dragons and wolves? im thinking of getting a new shirt...... (its that time of the year again)
[0:47:53] <orange_crayon> I would go with the wolf
[0:47:57] <orange_crayon> classic
[0:48:02] <orange_crayon> classic
[0:59:06] <orange_crayon>
[1:00:55] <Lege> fuckin sold
[1:01:02] <Lege> that right there
[1:01:24] <Lege> represents my qualities as a cunning, beautiful and cautious yet social individual
[1:01:51] <orange_crayon> ANIMAL SHIRTS DOT NET
[1:02:12] <Lege>
[1:02:18] <Lege> cowboys are obviously animals
[1:02:39] <Lege> cactus design. hell. yes.
[1:03:25] <orange_crayon>
[1:04:52] <orange_crayon> ONLY 17.95!!!!
[1:06:32] <orange_crayon> PRAISE JESUS!
[1:06:44] <orange_crayon> you will have to get a whole new wardrobe
[1:07:44] <Lege> yeah
[1:07:45] <Lege> fuck you

<Northball> wormsTiistai 08.07.2008 01:02

[21:59:44] <Northball> yes??
[21:59:49] <Lege> no!!
[21:59:55] <Northball> why??
[22:00:20] <Lege> i have to arrange my furniture and masturbate
[22:01:11] <Northball> :(

55555555555555555555Lauantai 28.06.2008 04:26

[19:28:00] <Dogthing> LEGE PLAY
[19:28:01] <Dogthing> LEGE
[19:28:04] <Northball> go wif tha flo
[19:28:05] <Dogthing> LEGE YOU SHOULD PLAY
[19:28:06] <Dogthing> BOOKS
[19:29:32] <Llamadeus> lege play
[19:29:34] <Llamadeus> why won't lege play
[19:29:35] <Northball> ^^
[19:29:36] <Northball> ^
[19:29:51] <Dogthing> lege should play but he's gonna be like "I GOTTA POP A PIMPLE THEN FUCK A CHICK"

the hardest choiceTorstai 19.06.2008 16:23

[12:59:56] <smugowns> should i buy vodka and juice or beer
[13:01:03] <smugowns> better consult the spreadsheet i made when i was really hammered

#lljkSunnuntai 18.05.2008 04:59

[1:47:26] <smugowns> yesterday i thinik i pissed a record number of people off
[1:47:57] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> what did you do
[1:48:43] <smugowns> dropped acid at like 1am when i had work the next day, at 7am i found the guy who's hjouse i was staying at was moving out so i decided to help him instead of going to work
[1:48:55] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> ah
[1:49:03] <smugowns> but instead of helpimng them move out i drank all their beer and got really high and vomited on my friends gloves which i stole and their house
[1:49:17] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> stylish
[1:49:30] <smugowns> then ditched all my vomited on stuff on their kitchen table and snuck out
[1:50:06] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> yeah you kinda seem like a prick now
[1:50:30] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> do all australians vomit on the possessions of others
[1:50:39] <smugowns> but on the plus side i managed to sleep for 21 hours solid after i got home
[1:51:18] <smugowns> even worse it was one glove from one friend and another from another friend and i vomited on them both
[1:51:40] <smugowns> i pretty much managed to make every person i came in contact with that whole day like me a bit less
[1:54:16] <smugowns> okay and juts then my sister opened my door and started throwing shit at me and yelling about how i didnt take the dog out for a walk or somehting
[1:54:29] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> why the fuck didn't you, dogs are awesome
[1:54:39] <[butt]EpsilonPlus> i wish i could walk our dougs, but they're old and hate leashes
[1:54:47] <smugowns> i vaugely remember her waking me up and asking me to do it at like 1am
[1:55:03] <smugowns> which was pretty unreasonable imo and i also couldnt have walked at all if i tried
[1:58:02] <smugowns> i also spent all morning lighting fires in shopping trolleys while people were trying to walk their dogs around an oval
[1:58:09] <smugowns> and we were jusyt pushing flaming trolleys around
[1:58:22] <smugowns> those people might have gotten pissed off as well i think i did a really bad job yestreday at everything

yesLauantai 05.04.2008 23:37

true story: i ate a bunch of shrooms my first year of college, and it was like the entirety of the habsburg dynasty was stretched out before me in my mind, 400+ years of inbreeding and dynastic marriages and failed military endeavors, and i thought, "holy shit, am I one of them?"

gonMaanantai 03.03.2008 04:03

I was just thinking, my sister does A LOT of reading, easily spending over $1000 a year on books, most of which she reads and never touches again. Is there some sort of book rental store?

Like a video store, but for books. It would make things so much cheaper, it would be really profitable too seeing as books are fairly cheap and then the next person could get some enjoyment too after paying the rental fee. Why aren't there places like this?
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