I was driving home from work, and decided I needed to stop in a convenience store for some basic necessities. The clerk was at the counter, reading a magazine, so he didn't notice when two large black men grabbed me as got out of my car, and pulled me into the alley behind the store. They held a knife to my throat and gagged me, as they ripped off my pants. For anyone, this would be somewhat unnerving, but I, a straight male, did not want my ass cherry popped. So I started to struggle, and screamed. And between you and me, something amazing happened... and now I can talk to animals! It's really cool, but totally secret. And you know what? Life's never been the same.
