IRC-Galleria

Kun mies puhuu naiselle rivoja se on seksuaalista ahdistelua, kun
nainen puhuu miehelle rivoja se on 2,90 min+ppm

Jos vaimo on haluton ja valittaa päänsärkyä, puuteroi kalusi
buranalla ja kysy ottaako lääkkeen suun kautta vai suppona.

Nainen kysyi taksilta: "Voinko maksaa luonnossa" ja nosti hameen
korviin. Taksikuski kysyi: "Onko pienempää?" Nainen pyllisti ja tähän kuski
tokaisi: "Ei käy ruotsin valuutta!"

_____________________________

Lasten suusta:

Kun kello on kaksitoista, kaikki kääntyvät Mekkaan päin ja purevat maton hapsuja.
- RAYMOND 7 V.

Ne lehmät, jotka juoksevat eniten ja ravistelevat utareitaan, tekevät jogurttia.
- ALLAN 5 V.

Jotkut lehmät ovat mustia. Ne ovat maahanmuuttajia.
- KARIN 5 V.

Ihmisellä on monenlaista nahkaa. Esinahka on edessä ja takanahka on takana.
- THERESE 6 V.

Ei ole oikein hyvä, jos raskaana olevilla naisilla on munalikööriä pissassa.
- TOVE 9 V.

Isoäiti on sellainen, jonka kautta koko suku on tullut ulos. Siksi ei ole niin kummallista, että hänen nahkansa vähän lerppuu.
- KRISTINA 7 V.

ILMOITUKSIA, JOITA NÄHTY KAUPASSA:

- Gogacolaa, 1,5l pullo
- Mämmiä saatana! (saatavana) mainos kaupan ikkunassa
- Mansi- ja mustikoita (-paras!!)
- Äidinpakastus pusseja
- Roilerinleike
- Naistennahka hanskat
- Kodinkoneliike mainostaa: Pakastinarkku ja ruhonleikkaaja
- lasten päästä vedettävä sänky
- Abbelsiineja
- Joulukusimyynti
- Mahdolliset puutteet ja virheet hinnassa huomioitu
- Tamppoonitarjous, koot mini, maxi ja meedio
- Äitiys-hortsit
- Kissanliha pullia
- Torin kalamyyjä mainostaa: Tuoretta mulkkua (muikkua)
- Torin kahvilanpitäjä mainostaa: Luteeton piirakka (Gluteeniton)
- Mainos tienvarressa: "Poikkeaville kukkia"

RAVINTOLA- JA KAHVILASANASTOA:

- Kasvisgranaatti (gratiini)
- Reindeer Balls (Poron pallit!! Eli siis lihapullia haettu)
- Mummonliha pullia lapsille
- Välilihapihivi (välikyljyspihvi)
- Pitsalaissi ja cocis (pizza slice)
- pitsa-clisee (pizza slice)
- Jättipäivän pizza (Päivän jättipizza)
- Ilmoitus turkkilaisten ravintolan ikkunassa: "Sulettu, ei kanata!"

KOULUN RUOKALASSA:

- Ruohoripuliperunoita
- Paistettua tuskaa (turskaa)
- Kalaa ja vakokastiketta

MAINOKSIA LEHDISTÄ, TV:stä

- Kuolinilmoitus lehdessä: Syvästi kaivaen, lastenlastenlapaset
- Lehti: "Lindhin murhasta pidätettyä vartioidaan itsemurhan
ehkäisemisen välttämiseksi"
- Asuntoilmoitus: 3 huonetta, keittiö, kakkahuone ja kylpyhuone.
- TV: "Kursk edelleen merenpohjassa. Ankkureina Leena Kaskela ja Urpo
Martikainen."
- Lehden otsikko: "Siniristipillumme liehuivat itsenäisyyspäivänä"
- Mainos lehdessä: "Yllätä vaimosi, lähde matkalle!"
- Lehden kuvateksti: "Timo TA Mikkonen ja hänen perseensä" (Perheensä)
- Mainos TV:ssä (Mummot ja papat siemailevat kahvia puutarhassa):
"Päättäkää päivänne K-kaupan kahvilla!"

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."

Frederick L Collins

kissa

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auta kissaa valloittaa irc-galleria
lisäämällä tämä sinun päiväkirjaan :D

"Kun menen peiton alle ja tulee pimeää,
hän hyppii palmupuussa ja puree pähkinää"

Nudist Trampolining->

http://pelikone.fi/play?id=gEU8RIkWKFClTPQ


Chimgam ->

http://pelikone.fi/play?id=gWjRatGjRo0aNxw

- Ohessa resepti, jonka pyydän ystävällisesti syömään.

- Alaraajoissa todetaan 1,5 metrin pituusero.

- Kotitilalla tehty sukupuolen vaihdos, joten työt vähenemässä.

- Potilas lopetetaan kortisoni-annoksella muutaman päivän päästä.

- Kirjoitetaan allekkain yhteen riviin.

- Juonut kaksi pulloa kirkasta puoleen mieheen.

- Oikean korvan käyttö ei ole vasemmalla puolella suositeltavaa

- Liikkuu vasemmalla kädellä spontaanisti

- Tilataan yhdellä jalalla seisovat lantiokuvat.

- Kyseessä siis ainoa silmä, joka kaihileikkaukseen ei mielellään lähde niin kauan kuin toimeen tulee, eikä potilas itsekään tässä vaiheessa ole leikkaukseen halukas.

- Kives ja penikset.

- Viime aikoina reilusti käyttänyt, nyt kertoo ettei viime aikoina ole.

- Saanut yksivuotiaaksi asti rintaa, sitten munaa.

- Syökää oheinen resepti loppuun, jonka jälkeen poliklinikalle.

- Otetaan valokopio potilaasta ja annetaan mukaan. Vannotaan nyt olemaan kuulolaitetta käyttämättä aivan tarpeellisissa tilanteissa.

- Korvakäytävät avoimet, poistetaan irtokorvat.

- Kertoo, että korvalehdet saattavat aamulla olla kovin kivuliaat, kun ne nostetaan tyynyltä.

- Tulee vasemman pään kyynärpäävamman vuoksi.

- Röntgenkuvassa ei. Mielestäni selvä murtuma on. - Samalla sairaalassa ollessa tarkistamme uudelleen lääketason korotetulla annoksella ja harkitsemme korotuksen laittamista leikatun jalan kenkään, jos siitä olisi apua.

- Kotona koira, joka aivan normaali.

- Potilas on turkulainen nuori mies, ei muuta vikaa.

- Itsenäisyyspäivänä pudonnut WC-pytyltä ja 118 tullut apuun.

- Aamulla huulet lähteneet laskeutumaan.

- Potilas kertoo, että veri ollut punaista jo pari päivää.

- Potilas kertoo, että puhe on ollut lässytystä ja kävelee apinamaisesti. Kotona kävelee seiniä pitkin.

- Kun potilas menee WC:een, joutuu istumaan siellä tunnin, että jaksaa lähteä pois.

- Tänä aamuna potilas mennyt vessaan. Tuolloin tullut kumma tunne siitä, että ollut siellä aikaisemminkin.

- Huumeiden käyttäjä, ei muuta säännöllistä lääkitystä.

- Väittää sokerin vievän jalat alta. Puhaltaa 2.9 promillea.

- Potilas on 7-vuotias nainen, töissä lihatiskissä, selkäkipuja ollut.

- Niellessä tuntuu kipua kiveksissä saakka säteillen aina isovarpaiden niveliin.

- Oikea kylki tippunut hevosen selästä maanantaina.

- Pitkäaikainen tytär ja ystävä kuolleet lähiaikoina.

- Potilas kiroilee, kun mahaa painelee, eli saattaa aristaa.

- Yleistilaltaan kohtalaisen hyvä nainen.

- Ei vaikuta allergiselta venäläiselle viinalle.

- Todennäköisesti kysymys huonosta kunnosta, päästetään hyväkuntoisena kotiin.

- Potilaalla siis rintaperäkehäinen kipu.

- Saanut jotain lääkettä, jota ei ole kuitenkaan edes kokeillut. Keskiolutta sen sijaan käyttää usein lääkkeksi.

- Useita nilkkoja molemmissa jaloissa, enemmän vasemmalla.

-Alabama-
§ Auton kuljettaja ei saa pitää sidettä silmillään ajaessaan
§ Kirkossa ei saa pitää tekoviiksiä jotka naurattavat muita

-Alaska-
§ Elävän hirven pudottaminen lentokoneesta on rikos
§ Nukkuvan karhun herättäminen valokuvaamista varten on laitonta

-Arizona-
§ Kamelin metsästys on kielletty lailla
§ Kaktuksen kaatamisesta voi saada 25 vuotta vankeutta
§ Kotitaloudessa saa olla vain kaksi dildoa

-Kalifornia-
§ Riistan ampuminen liikkuvasta autosta on rikos ellei kohde ole valas
§ Ydinlatauksen räjäyttämisestä seuraa 500 $ sakko
§ Cowboy-saappaita saa pitää vain jos omistaa ainakin kaksi lehmää

-Colorado-
§ Sunnuntaisin ei saa ajaa mustaa autoa
§ Imurin lainaaminen naapurille on laitonta

-Florida-
§ Julkisilla paikoilla ei saa piereskellä klo 18.00 jälkeen
§ Varashälyttimen asentamiseen tarvitaan lupa

-Idaho-
§ Mies ei saa antaa naiselle lahjaksi alle 25 kiloa makeisia
§ On laitonta kalastaa kirahvin tai kamelin selästä

-Illinois-
§ Naapurin suuhun virtsaaminen on rikos
§ Tulipalopaikalla syöminen on kiellettyä
§ Kaupungintalon edessä saa pitää alastomana mielenosoituksen mikäli mielenosoittaja on alle 17-vuotias ja hänellä on tarvittavat luvat
§ Vaatteiden vaihtaminen autossa on kielletty, paitsi tulipalon sattuessa

-Iowa-
§ Yksikätisten pianistien täytyy esiintyä ilmaiseksi
§ Iowassa mies ei saa juoda kuin kolme kulausta olutta maatessaan sängyssä vaimonsa kanssa.

-Kansas-
§ Moottoriveneestä ei saa ampua jäniksiä
§ Jos kaksi junaa kohtaa toisensa samoilla kiskoilla, kumpikaan ei saa liikkua ennen kuin toinen juna on ohittanut toisen

-Massachusetts-
§ Gorillat eivät saa istua auton takapenkillä
§ Hautajaisvieraat eivät saa syödä enempää kuin kolme voileipää
§ Nainen ei saa olla sukupuoliyhteydessä miehen päällä

-Georgia-
§ Lievä pahoinpitely on laillinen jos sinua on ärsytetty
§ Kirahvin sitominen lyhtypylvääseen on kielletty
§ Mies ei saa kantaa toista miestä selässään

-Montana-
§ Yli seitsemän yhdessä olevan intiaanin katsotaan olevan sotajoukko ja heitä saa ampua laillisesti

-Oregon-
§ Veden alla viheltäminen on kielletty

-Texas-
§ Olutta ei saa ostaa sunnuntaisin keskiyön jälkeen, mutta sitä voi ostaa maanantai-aamuna

-Wisconsin-
§ Mies ei saa ampua aseella kun hänen partnerinsa saa orgasmin.

-Hawaiji-
§ Kolikoiden laittaminen toisen ihmisen korvaan on laitonta


...että näin :)

MITÄ JOS ?

Huomaisit olevasi raskaana? – haarukalle olisi käyttöä :D.. vai lusikoisinko sikiön ulos??
Saisit korjata kolme vääryyttä maailmassa? - hähähä, se olis nannaa jos mulla sellaset powerit olis^^
Ihastuksesi suutelisi sinua? - olisin polvillani xD
Opettajasi suutelisi sinua? - alkon kautta itsetuhoisena johonkin.hyyy
Voittaisit lotossa miljoonan? – ah, tekis vaik mitä!
Näkisit idolisi kävelevän ohitsesi kadulla? - ööh.. jatkaisin matkaan hämmentyneenä

VIIMEISET:

Viimeinen juomasi juoma? – water
Viimeinen lukemasi koulukirja? – talouspolitiikka :S
Viimeinen ostamasi tavara? – kaulahuivi
Viimeinen halaamasi ihminen? – kök,vitut mä tollasii muistan :P
Viimeinen tekemäsi urheilusuoritus? – palelin eilen dösiksel^^
Viimeinen katsomasi elokuva? – ei muista :/

VOISITKO KOSKAAN ?

Juoda itseäsi ympärikänniin? - voisinko juoda itseäni koskaan normaaliin humalatilaan??
Satuttaa sinulle läheisintä ihmistä tahallisesti? - silmä silmästä hammas hampaaseen .äh riippuu niin tilanteesta ja asiasta
Ajaa päätäsi kaljuksi? – NEVER!!
Alkaa käyttämään huumeita? – riippuu
Tappaa? – kait jokainen pystyy siihen
Karata kotoa ulkomaille? – hell yeah^^
käydä Amsterdamissa? – totta kai