IRC-Galleria

Valitse kuukausi jolloin synnyit:

Tammikuu- Söin
Helmikuu- Löin
Maaliskuu- Nussin
Huhtikuu- Katsoin
Toukokuu- Runkkasin
Kesäkuu- Vedin turpaan
Heinäkuu- Nauratin
Elokuu- Puukotin
Syyskuu- Ammuin
Lokakuu- Rakastelin
Marraskuu- Haukuin
Joulukuu- Pidin kädessäni

Valitse päivä jolloin synnyit:

1. Huoraa
2. Poika/tyttöystävääsi
3. Naista jolla on HIV
4. Seksikästä tyttöä
5. Joulupukkia !!!
6. Playboy-pupua
7. Naimisissa olevaa äitiä
8. Koppakuoriaista
9. Äitiäsi
10. Pääsiäispupua
11. Jalkapallo pelaajaa
12. Pirua
13. Aasialaista
14. Opettajaani
15. Kiveä
16. Elvistä
17. Pornotähteä
18. Puhelinta
19. Tietokonettani
20. Sinun taloa
21. Äitiä
22. Lammasta
23. Pappia
24. Sihteeriä
25. Mr.Oikeaa
26. Transua
27. Terotinta
28. Sinun kuumaa siskoasi
29. George Bush:ia
30. CD-levyä
31. Tulostinta

Nimesi kolmas kirjain:

A- koska tykkään suklaasta
B- koska minulla oli tylsää
C- koska housuni olivat liian tiukat
D- koska hedelmä tykkää kärpäsestä
E- koska sydämeni on liian pieni
F- koska en saanut yhtään lahjaa jouluna
G- koska tykkään kananmunista
H- koska huomenna on maailmanloppu
I- koska viilsin ranteeni auki!
J- koska minulla ei ole tyttö/poikaystävää
K- koska pidän jalkapallosta
L- koska olin pilvessä
M- koska olin sekaisin
N- koska äitini käski
O- koska olen homoseksuaali
P- koskan olen yksinäinen
Q- koska vanhempani riitelevät paljon
R- koska minua panettaa
S- koska haluan tehdä itsemurhan
T- koska inhoan koulua
U- koska minulla on tarve masturboida
V- koska tykkään juhlia
W- koska se kutsuu minua
X- koska tykkään tummista
Y- koska tykkään uida
Z- koska olin humalassa
Ã…- koska minun vasen kives on suurempi kuin toinen
Ä- koska vasen rintani on suurempi kuin toinen
Ö- koska minulla oli sormi anuksessa

Kun mies puhuu naiselle rivoja se on seksuaalista ahdistelua, kun
nainen puhuu miehelle rivoja se on 2,90 min+ppm

Jos vaimo on haluton ja valittaa päänsärkyä, puuteroi kalusi
buranalla ja kysy ottaako lääkkeen suun kautta vai suppona.

Nainen kysyi taksilta: "Voinko maksaa luonnossa" ja nosti hameen
korviin. Taksikuski kysyi: "Onko pienempää?" Nainen pyllisti ja tähän kuski
tokaisi: "Ei käy ruotsin valuutta!"

_____________________________

Lasten suusta:

Kun kello on kaksitoista, kaikki kääntyvät Mekkaan päin ja purevat maton hapsuja.
- RAYMOND 7 V.

Ne lehmät, jotka juoksevat eniten ja ravistelevat utareitaan, tekevät jogurttia.
- ALLAN 5 V.

Jotkut lehmät ovat mustia. Ne ovat maahanmuuttajia.
- KARIN 5 V.

Ihmisellä on monenlaista nahkaa. Esinahka on edessä ja takanahka on takana.
- THERESE 6 V.

Ei ole oikein hyvä, jos raskaana olevilla naisilla on munalikööriä pissassa.
- TOVE 9 V.

Isoäiti on sellainen, jonka kautta koko suku on tullut ulos. Siksi ei ole niin kummallista, että hänen nahkansa vähän lerppuu.
- KRISTINA 7 V.

ILMOITUKSIA, JOITA NÄHTY KAUPASSA:

- Gogacolaa, 1,5l pullo
- Mämmiä saatana! (saatavana) mainos kaupan ikkunassa
- Mansi- ja mustikoita (-paras!!)
- Äidinpakastus pusseja
- Roilerinleike
- Naistennahka hanskat
- Kodinkoneliike mainostaa: Pakastinarkku ja ruhonleikkaaja
- lasten päästä vedettävä sänky
- Abbelsiineja
- Joulukusimyynti
- Mahdolliset puutteet ja virheet hinnassa huomioitu
- Tamppoonitarjous, koot mini, maxi ja meedio
- Äitiys-hortsit
- Kissanliha pullia
- Torin kalamyyjä mainostaa: Tuoretta mulkkua (muikkua)
- Torin kahvilanpitäjä mainostaa: Luteeton piirakka (Gluteeniton)
- Mainos tienvarressa: "Poikkeaville kukkia"

RAVINTOLA- JA KAHVILASANASTOA:

- Kasvisgranaatti (gratiini)
- Reindeer Balls (Poron pallit!! Eli siis lihapullia haettu)
- Mummonliha pullia lapsille
- Välilihapihivi (välikyljyspihvi)
- Pitsalaissi ja cocis (pizza slice)
- pitsa-clisee (pizza slice)
- Jättipäivän pizza (Päivän jättipizza)
- Ilmoitus turkkilaisten ravintolan ikkunassa: "Sulettu, ei kanata!"

KOULUN RUOKALASSA:

- Ruohoripuliperunoita
- Paistettua tuskaa (turskaa)
- Kalaa ja vakokastiketta

MAINOKSIA LEHDISTÄ, TV:stä

- Kuolinilmoitus lehdessä: Syvästi kaivaen, lastenlastenlapaset
- Lehti: "Lindhin murhasta pidätettyä vartioidaan itsemurhan
ehkäisemisen välttämiseksi"
- Asuntoilmoitus: 3 huonetta, keittiö, kakkahuone ja kylpyhuone.
- TV: "Kursk edelleen merenpohjassa. Ankkureina Leena Kaskela ja Urpo
Martikainen."
- Lehden otsikko: "Siniristipillumme liehuivat itsenäisyyspäivänä"
- Mainos lehdessä: "Yllätä vaimosi, lähde matkalle!"
- Lehden kuvateksti: "Timo TA Mikkonen ja hänen perseensä" (Perheensä)
- Mainos TV:ssä (Mummot ja papat siemailevat kahvia puutarhassa):
"Päättäkää päivänne K-kaupan kahvilla!"

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are."

Frederick L Collins

kissa

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auta kissaa valloittaa irc-galleria
lisäämällä tämä sinun päiväkirjaan :D

"Kun menen peiton alle ja tulee pimeää,
hän hyppii palmupuussa ja puree pähkinää"

Nudist Trampolining->

http://pelikone.fi/play?id=gEU8RIkWKFClTPQ


Chimgam ->

http://pelikone.fi/play?id=gWjRatGjRo0aNxw

- Ohessa resepti, jonka pyydän ystävällisesti syömään.

- Alaraajoissa todetaan 1,5 metrin pituusero.

- Kotitilalla tehty sukupuolen vaihdos, joten työt vähenemässä.

- Potilas lopetetaan kortisoni-annoksella muutaman päivän päästä.

- Kirjoitetaan allekkain yhteen riviin.

- Juonut kaksi pulloa kirkasta puoleen mieheen.

- Oikean korvan käyttö ei ole vasemmalla puolella suositeltavaa

- Liikkuu vasemmalla kädellä spontaanisti

- Tilataan yhdellä jalalla seisovat lantiokuvat.

- Kyseessä siis ainoa silmä, joka kaihileikkaukseen ei mielellään lähde niin kauan kuin toimeen tulee, eikä potilas itsekään tässä vaiheessa ole leikkaukseen halukas.

- Kives ja penikset.

- Viime aikoina reilusti käyttänyt, nyt kertoo ettei viime aikoina ole.

- Saanut yksivuotiaaksi asti rintaa, sitten munaa.

- Syökää oheinen resepti loppuun, jonka jälkeen poliklinikalle.

- Otetaan valokopio potilaasta ja annetaan mukaan. Vannotaan nyt olemaan kuulolaitetta käyttämättä aivan tarpeellisissa tilanteissa.

- Korvakäytävät avoimet, poistetaan irtokorvat.

- Kertoo, että korvalehdet saattavat aamulla olla kovin kivuliaat, kun ne nostetaan tyynyltä.

- Tulee vasemman pään kyynärpäävamman vuoksi.

- Röntgenkuvassa ei. Mielestäni selvä murtuma on. - Samalla sairaalassa ollessa tarkistamme uudelleen lääketason korotetulla annoksella ja harkitsemme korotuksen laittamista leikatun jalan kenkään, jos siitä olisi apua.

- Kotona koira, joka aivan normaali.

- Potilas on turkulainen nuori mies, ei muuta vikaa.

- Itsenäisyyspäivänä pudonnut WC-pytyltä ja 118 tullut apuun.

- Aamulla huulet lähteneet laskeutumaan.

- Potilas kertoo, että veri ollut punaista jo pari päivää.

- Potilas kertoo, että puhe on ollut lässytystä ja kävelee apinamaisesti. Kotona kävelee seiniä pitkin.

- Kun potilas menee WC:een, joutuu istumaan siellä tunnin, että jaksaa lähteä pois.

- Tänä aamuna potilas mennyt vessaan. Tuolloin tullut kumma tunne siitä, että ollut siellä aikaisemminkin.

- Huumeiden käyttäjä, ei muuta säännöllistä lääkitystä.

- Väittää sokerin vievän jalat alta. Puhaltaa 2.9 promillea.

- Potilas on 7-vuotias nainen, töissä lihatiskissä, selkäkipuja ollut.

- Niellessä tuntuu kipua kiveksissä saakka säteillen aina isovarpaiden niveliin.

- Oikea kylki tippunut hevosen selästä maanantaina.

- Pitkäaikainen tytär ja ystävä kuolleet lähiaikoina.

- Potilas kiroilee, kun mahaa painelee, eli saattaa aristaa.

- Yleistilaltaan kohtalaisen hyvä nainen.

- Ei vaikuta allergiselta venäläiselle viinalle.

- Todennäköisesti kysymys huonosta kunnosta, päästetään hyväkuntoisena kotiin.

- Potilaalla siis rintaperäkehäinen kipu.

- Saanut jotain lääkettä, jota ei ole kuitenkaan edes kokeillut. Keskiolutta sen sijaan käyttää usein lääkkeksi.

- Useita nilkkoja molemmissa jaloissa, enemmän vasemmalla.

-Alabama-
§ Auton kuljettaja ei saa pitää sidettä silmillään ajaessaan
§ Kirkossa ei saa pitää tekoviiksiä jotka naurattavat muita

-Alaska-
§ Elävän hirven pudottaminen lentokoneesta on rikos
§ Nukkuvan karhun herättäminen valokuvaamista varten on laitonta

-Arizona-
§ Kamelin metsästys on kielletty lailla
§ Kaktuksen kaatamisesta voi saada 25 vuotta vankeutta
§ Kotitaloudessa saa olla vain kaksi dildoa

-Kalifornia-
§ Riistan ampuminen liikkuvasta autosta on rikos ellei kohde ole valas
§ Ydinlatauksen räjäyttämisestä seuraa 500 $ sakko
§ Cowboy-saappaita saa pitää vain jos omistaa ainakin kaksi lehmää

-Colorado-
§ Sunnuntaisin ei saa ajaa mustaa autoa
§ Imurin lainaaminen naapurille on laitonta

-Florida-
§ Julkisilla paikoilla ei saa piereskellä klo 18.00 jälkeen
§ Varashälyttimen asentamiseen tarvitaan lupa

-Idaho-
§ Mies ei saa antaa naiselle lahjaksi alle 25 kiloa makeisia
§ On laitonta kalastaa kirahvin tai kamelin selästä

-Illinois-
§ Naapurin suuhun virtsaaminen on rikos
§ Tulipalopaikalla syöminen on kiellettyä
§ Kaupungintalon edessä saa pitää alastomana mielenosoituksen mikäli mielenosoittaja on alle 17-vuotias ja hänellä on tarvittavat luvat
§ Vaatteiden vaihtaminen autossa on kielletty, paitsi tulipalon sattuessa

-Iowa-
§ Yksikätisten pianistien täytyy esiintyä ilmaiseksi
§ Iowassa mies ei saa juoda kuin kolme kulausta olutta maatessaan sängyssä vaimonsa kanssa.

-Kansas-
§ Moottoriveneestä ei saa ampua jäniksiä
§ Jos kaksi junaa kohtaa toisensa samoilla kiskoilla, kumpikaan ei saa liikkua ennen kuin toinen juna on ohittanut toisen

-Massachusetts-
§ Gorillat eivät saa istua auton takapenkillä
§ Hautajaisvieraat eivät saa syödä enempää kuin kolme voileipää
§ Nainen ei saa olla sukupuoliyhteydessä miehen päällä

-Georgia-
§ Lievä pahoinpitely on laillinen jos sinua on ärsytetty
§ Kirahvin sitominen lyhtypylvääseen on kielletty
§ Mies ei saa kantaa toista miestä selässään

-Montana-
§ Yli seitsemän yhdessä olevan intiaanin katsotaan olevan sotajoukko ja heitä saa ampua laillisesti

-Oregon-
§ Veden alla viheltäminen on kielletty

-Texas-
§ Olutta ei saa ostaa sunnuntaisin keskiyön jälkeen, mutta sitä voi ostaa maanantai-aamuna

-Wisconsin-
§ Mies ei saa ampua aseella kun hänen partnerinsa saa orgasmin.

-Hawaiji-
§ Kolikoiden laittaminen toisen ihmisen korvaan on laitonta


...että näin :)