IRC-Galleria

sudden wakin up and returnin to the actual world. after several days fo bein sumhow hypnotized by freedom and no time limits. and suddeny everything seems to be normal again, but this normal seems to be too difficult, too challengin, too much of it. april. almost half of it is done. got may left and well ok the other half of april. o'rite. this freakin time runs too fast. never hav time to do everything i want. it means i gotta abandon sum things, and most of the time it wud be those things that i like, that make ma life... complete?.. i dont like this word, seems too used in pop sosngs bout heart breakin and stuff. but well. and here we go. again im sittin typin here ma thoughts, and i dont even expect anyone to read it, thus it makes the whole thing pointless. cuz well i hav ma thoughts in ma head, and ma head is always with me.
p.s. seems like bullshit i wrote up there.
but anyway. gotta get the strength and do whatever im spsd to do. and i gotta do loads of stuff. many small things that turn up to be very important small things. like a thousand of those important small things. and they all mixed together make a huuuuuuuggggeeee ball of important stuff. and also, mixed together they cause panick and more lazyness. thats how i end up doin nuthin. pisses me off a bit. but well. i got only me to help in certain things, even tho i cud get sum elp from other ppl, nobody will do the exact thing i wanna do or i must do or whatever.
so... yea. everybody loves holidays, dont they? but after them u feel to pressured. well thats no good.

omg.... i think i cant actually hav friends, too tuff towards em. but at the same time i can easily get new, if i wish. and there is attention paid to me. what ppl see in me?

they knew each other for some days
she liked him, he had a girl
she tried to find some wayz
to get him in her world
they were talkin, laughin, she thought he was her prince
even tho she knew she is not his princess

she alwayz got so sad if he said sum kinda truth bout her
but still she gave him all her feelings
at the same time she was cryin, she didn even know what for
he knew it was a game
the reality she tryed t' ignore

she told him that she felt bad
she said it was bcz of him
she took it seroius but still it was a game
he said tha she was sick

one day, they met again
she got this happy spirit
she thought everything was not the same
but he just tryed to sorry for her pain

she ran away, even tho he hugged her
she cudn keep her tears inside
she ran away, blamin herself for this all
while he was aksin why

she started hatin him
she thought it was the end of life
she didn wanna get some help
she wanted to hav some cry

she just locked herself in her lil world
where everything takes the wrong place
she imagined that she didn hav support
she got it... she didn notice... to much of tears all around her

p.s. not about me

dislike: sexists, our english teacher, guyz, tomatoz, school and dumb fashion girls
like: guyz, chockolate, friends, summer, chill out

p.s. dilemma - i like and i hate guyz.....

A little bit of rain on ma face
A little bit of memories in ma head
Which rain drop will win this race?
Who with I will be killing maself?

How much rain will I run over?
How many words will I recall?
How many things in me I will find still moving?
After you went offÂ…..

And I will be watching rain shaking on ma window
Right now IÂ’m feeling this water closing ma eyes
They are trying to make me do this bow
But I donÂ’t wanna accept what I donÂ’t like

I believe this rain will stop when the time comes
I believe you will come back to me soon
You will clear away all ma scars
And I will avoid this strange doom

And this mordant rain will turn into nothing
The sun in me will be shining again
And I will look in your eyes flashing
Recalling ma unhappy past that is totally away

smth strange is happenin to me - i wanna juts sleep when i come home. and this happens all the time. and now i am sittin and typin and feelin that i'm gonna fall down asleep, even though i just dragged maself outta bed. and i did that anly because i hav ma trainin. am i sick in some way???????? bein soooo tired! hav no idea how i am gonna make this week..... with all the exams.....

oh, great i am sick. ma fever is 37.7. just perfect! besides that i hav depression.

sucha fuckin feelin inside... like i got smth wrong.... i wanted that but it's not that what i REALLY NEED ..... smth that duzn wanna leave me.... smth that makes me sinkin in the sea of depressin memoriz.... like it's just closin eyes, watchin lonely light in a dark room, listenin to songz which remind.... is that fair?????? i am usin and i am used... it makes me feel so fuckin wrong! like i live smonez else life, not mine.... like i'm hurryin with some things.... damn, and i dont hav time to think about what i am doin and why..... time'z so fast... cant stop it.... wud like to return to ma past, to change ma destiny..... tryin to do it now, but still it s impossible..... god, why?!
wanna look back to all those people i hav ever had in ma life for a second or for years, tryin to understand what is happenin to me. why i feel like bein fake.....
wanna a pause in this runnin time.....

1st of march!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itz spring!!!!!!! duzn matter tha itz snowy, but still!!!!!! the sun is shinin, and ....... gooood, itz spring, god damn!

received ma pics from ma friend. pics which r made in riga ma home.
damn, i hate ma memoriz. hate them bcz i feel now that i was really happy in ma past only. z tha good??????? no.
i remember those straight roads leading somewhere. i could go all the time. i met there no one. i was laughing there with ma closest friends. almost like ma sis and broz. 2 guyz and one girl. it was ma real home.
i remember small streets, where i got from big ones. i could find smth there. smth unknown and forbidden. e.g. a phylosophic look on the sky. or smth else. i culd laugh that policy is chasin us. hah.....
i was there. i was the real me then. i didn wanna play any role. as same i don wanna do that now. i had those ppl who did really understand me. my style. ma words, ma world. i had there ppl who love me. and now they r too far away. and it didn bother me that i lose ma friends. fake ones. those 3 helped me. we helped each otha.
i lived with no troubles. i didn care bout wha ma parents r sayin. they didn bother me. i know, it looks like i am that type of person who duzn love parents, but it 's not truth. i did wat i want.
it was ma world, which is not crashin, no way, but i lose that. it wasn innocent. had no rulez. was bit weird.
now, i live in the place i don like. place where i have to be like other ppl. i hav to play. i know, i'm a good actress but i cant live ma life bein someone else.!!!!!!!! i know, i'm changin, gettin angrier. but one ma streak i will neva lose - ma weirdness (the most important in me), ma confidence in life, in maself.
whaz the result? i hav fake happiness. i hav good friends, but they r too far away. they cant rally support me, when i feel fuckin bad. they say they do. i trust, but i need smth else. to be nearer. it s not too much, but at the moment its impossible. shit. i kinda hav big love story, but it seems to be ended. i don hav a "prince" here. but the problem is - i don wanna search. i'm trying to wait.
do i need much? a life like in the past, with no troublez and worriz. i need those summers. i need smiles. it s not too much at the first sight. but it s too difficult to wait for that.....