IRC-Galleria

Mies meni pankkiin ja sanoi vanhemmalle, arvokkaan näköiselle
pankkineidille:

" Mä haluun vi**u avata tilin tähän vi*un pankkiin ja vähän vi*un nopeesti."
Pankkineiti alkoi kakomaan ja rykimään ja hieman tuohtui kuullessaan moista
kielenkäyttöä.
Pankkineiti kysyi mieheltä:"Mitä te oikein puhutte??"

Mies vastasi pankkineidille:
Mä haluun vi**u avata tilin tähän vi*un pankkiin ja vähän vi*un nopeesti."
Pankkineiti tuohtui enemmän ja naama punaisena sanoi miehelle:
"Minä en tuollaista kielenkäyttöä kuuntele, minä haen pankinjohtajan
paikalle."


Pankinjohtajakin saapui paikalle naama totisena.
"Neiti tässä kertoi, että käytätte kovin karkeaa kieltä pankissamme. Mikä on
ongelmanne?" johtaja kysyi mieheltä. Mies vastasi."Mää voitin tossa vi*un
lotossa vi**u 50 miljoonaa ja mä haluun vi**u avata sen vi*un tilin tähän
vi*un pankkiin ja vähän vi*un nopeesti."

Pankinjohtaja sanoi miehelle: "Ja tämä vi*un nutturapääkö ei ymmärtänyt noin
vi*un yksinkertaista asiaa."

- jos kerrot miehelle että maailmankaikkeudessa on 300 miljardia tähteä, hän uskoo sen.
jos kerrot että penkki on maalattu, hänen on pakko koskea sitä ollakseen varma asiasta.

- herkuille ei jätetä tilaa, niille tehdään sitä.

- mitä nopeammin jää jälkeen, sitä enemmän on aikaa ottaa muut kiinni.

- raha puhuu... mutta minulle se sanoo vain hyvästi.

- terapia on kallista, kuplamuovin poksuttelu halpaa... valinta on sinun !

- jos koolla ei muka ole väliä, niin yritäppä nukkua hyttysen kanssa samassa huoneessa.

- naiset murehtivat asioista, joita miehet eivät muista.
miehet murehtivat asioista, joita naiset muistavat.

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1. Jos pidän siitä, se on minun.
2. Jos se on suussani, se on minun.
3. Jos pystyn ottamaan sen sinulta, se on minun.
4. Jos se oli minulla juuri äsken, se on minun.
5. Jos se on minun, se ei saa koskaan näyttää olevan sinun.
6. Jos pureskelen jotain palasiksi, kaikki palaset ovat minun.
7. Jos se vain näyttääkin siltä että se on minun, se on minun.
8. Jos näin sen ensin, se on minun.
9. Jos leikit jollakin ja laitat sen maahan, siitä tulee automaattisesti minun.
10. Jos se on rikki, se on sinun.

Tarvitset kolme ihmistä avuksi nostamaan koirasi eläinlääkärin tutkimuspöydälle.

Koirasi voi piilottaa kokonaisen tennispallon (tmv) huuliensa taakse ja näyttävän sanovan, "Mitä? Ei minulla ole suussa mitään!??"

Etsit vain farmaria tai suurempaa kulkuneuvoa autokaupasta.

Vaikka herätit jo miehesi, kuorsaaminen jatkuu yhä.

Hampaita harjatessasi joudut väistämään sivuun, kun koirasi haluaa juoda pesualtaasta.

Pysähdyt liikennevaloihin ja auto keinuu sivulta toiselle kun koirasi vaihtaa tarkkailuasemiaan ikkunasta toiseen.

Imuroit autoasi ja suurin osa karvoista löytyy auton katosta.

Kuukausittain koirabudjettisi ylittää asuntosi kuukausivuokran.

Eläinlääkärisi on laitattanut ison uima-altaan, uuden hienon kartanon, ostanut vesiskootterin ja porchen.

Olet joutunut opettamaan koirasi olemaan nuolematta astioita jotka ovat tiskialtaassa.

Koirasi näkee mitä kokkaat ja yrittää koko ajan neuvoa.

Pitelet koiraasi polviesi välissä kun ovikello soi ja löydät itsesi pian ovelta.

Pizzalähetti soittaa portilta että pizzasi ovat nyt täällä.

Koirasi kurottaa olkasi takaa McDonaldsin autokaistalla ja kassaneiti saa miltei sydänkohtauksen ojentaessaan vaihtorahaa.

Hankit suuren laajakuvatelevision etkä vieläkään näe ohjelmia.

1. Ota filmirulla pakkauksesta ja laita se kameraan.

2. Ota pakkaus pennun suusta ja laita se roskikseen.

3. Nosta pentu roskiksesta ja harjaa sen kuonosta kahvinporot.

4. Valitse hyvä tausta kuvaukselle.

5. Ruuvaa kamera jalustaan, tarkista että salama ja tarkennus toimivat.

6. Etsi pentu ja vedä likainen sukka sen suusta.

7. Laita pentu valittuun kohtaan ja asetu kamerajalustan taakse.

8. Unohda valittu kohta ja konttaa pennun perässä.

9. Aseta tarkennus kohdalleen toisella kädellä kun samalla houkuttelet pennun pois toisella kädellä.

10. Hae nenäliina ja pyyhi pois kuononjälki linssistä.

11. Heitä katti pihalle ja hae paperia pyyhkiäksesi kissan raapimaa naarmua pennun kuonossa.

12. Yritä saada pennun huomio vinguttamalla lelua pääsi yläpuolella.

13. Laita silmälasisi taas päähän ja tarkista menikö kamera rikki.

14. Ponnahda pystyyn kuin vieteriukko ja tartu pentua niskasta ja sano: "Ei, ei - tuo tehdään ulkona!"

15. Hae lasi ja hyvää viskiä.

16. Istu lempinojatuoliisi, nosta jalat sohvapöydälle, maistele viskiä ja päätä että alat ensi töiksesi huomenna opettaa pennulle "Istu" ja "Seuraa".

Mikä ihme siinä on että kun äijä näkee kahen lepakon nuoleskelevan, niin se jää kyylään kuin mykkä pillua!? ei se niin kummallista ole että sitä kyylään jäis.

Asunnossasi tapahtuu samaan aikaan 5 asiaa, joissa sinun pitää toimia:

1.- puhelin soi.
2.- vauva itkee.
3.- joku koputtaa ovea tai soittaa ovikelloa.
4.- pyykki on ripustettu ulkona ja rupeaa satamaan.
5.- keittiön vesihana on auki ja vesi rupeaa menemään lavuaarin
ylitse.

Missä järjestyksessä hoidat nämä asiat?
Merkkaa valintasi.

TEE TESTI REHELLISESTI! VASTAA ENSIN, KATSO SITTEN VASTA TOSI
MIELENKIINTOISET VASTAUKSET!

**
tässä mun tulokset
2. vauva itkee
5. keittiön vesihana on auki ja vesi rupeaa menemään lavuaarin
ylitse.
3. joku koputtaa ovea tai soittaa ovikelloa.
1. puhelin soi
4. pyykki on ripustettu ulkona ja rupeaa satamaan.
**
Puhelin = työ, vauva = perhe, ovi = ystävät, pyykki = raha, vesi = seksi.
Järjestys jonka valitsit, kertoo, mikä tärkeysjärjestys asioilla on elämässäsi.

perhe
seksi
ystävät
työ
raha

01. Kuka olet?
02. Olemmeko ystäviä?
03. Koska ja miten tapasimme?
04. Oletko ihastunut minuun?
05. Pussaisitko minua?
06. Anna minulle lempinimi, ja kerro miksi valitsit juuri sen?
07. Kuvaile minua yhdellä sanalla
08. Mikä oli ensivaikutelmasi minusta?
09. Oletko edelleen samaa mieltä?
10. Mikä muistuttaa sinua minusta?
11. Jos voisit antaa minulle mitä tahansa, mitä se olisi?
12. Miten hyvin tunnet minut?
13. Koska näimme viimeksi?
14. Halusitko joskus kertoa minulle jotain, mitä et ole pystynyt kertomaan?
15. Aioitko pistää tämän blogiisi ja katsoa, mitä minä kertoisin sinusta?

1) Mikä väri sinulla tulee minusta mieleen ensimmäisenä ja miksi?
2) Luonteeltani olen mielestäsi?
3) Minkälainen suhde meillä on?
4) Kuinka tärkeä olen sinulle asteikosta 4-10? ja miksi?
5) Kerro jokin yhteinen muistomme?
6) Mistä pidät minussa?
7) Jos riitelisimme, mistä se johtuisi?
8) Koska viimeksi näimme?
9) Mikä biisi kertoo eniten musta?
10) Mikä sana kuvaa minua parhaiten? Perustele.

Haastan vastaamaan:

devil^inside
Demmu^
katala84
QNP

ja kaikki jotka vaan haluavat saada sanansa/mielipiteensä julki