IRC-Galleria

Pain

I feel this pressure inside me and its pulling me towards into the black.
This craving for somekind of an escape from this world is pumping in my vains.
I fall down on my knees I scream in agony, but no one hears,God?....are you there?
Im crawling in the shadows now, I dont even know if somebody can help me, so I stay hiding.
My past is coming to get me, I can feel it breething on my neck. What the fuck can I do?
All this shame, guilt and all my mistakes are laughing right infront of my face, asking me to give up.
Theres a saying what is dead should stay dead, so why the fuck did wake up from my overdose?
It feels like im here now only so I can feel the pain that i caused others with my actions. I guess thats pretty phere, considering Im just a little mistake to this world, a fuck up. If this is all that it is, why cant I just lay down and never wake up again. But I think thats just to much to ask for a person like me. These forces without names keeping me here for a reason beyond my understanding. I guess I could try to take my life but im to scared to do even that. If im afraid to live and I have no reason to carry on, how can I then be afraid to die? So please give me currage to atleast make my mind, so I can rest in peace or whatever the outcome. It feels that I just dont give a fuck anymore. But thats pretty obvious if you have red the past lines I`ve written.Dont get this wrong who ever you are reading this. I dont feel sorry fore my self, Im not in self petty. I simply just cant understand why Im here, and I`ve been trying real hard to get it for many years. Now I just dont have the strength to carry on fighting and seeking after answers that I dont even now if Im going to get answers to. I admit that Im a looser and a coward to. But Im just really really scared and tired and want to close my eyes and let my soul go. But I`ll pray one more time, Dear God father of light why wont you take me home?, why cant you turn all this around and give me answers?, please God let me see the things that I`m now blinded from, give me the keyes to survival in this world, a glimse of light for a one more fight, if not for me so for my loved ones that may need me. Otherwise take me home, You are the judge, give me the wordict, so this suffering could end. Amen..