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Heavy Metal GenresSunnuntai 03.10.2010 16:01

Heavy Metal
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and has sex with the princess.

Power Metal
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

Thrash Metal
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

Folk Metal
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments causing the dragon to fall asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave...without the princess.

Viking Metal
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

Death Metal
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

Black Metal
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, and drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about two minutes and then leaves.

Doom Metal
The protagonist arrives, sees the immense size of the dragon and talks about how he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

Gothic Metal
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet when he shows up, and they sing while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly the dragon swallows up the pipe and accidentally scorches the beauty and the protagonist, and then he suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell for eternity.

Progressive Metal
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a 26 minute solo. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the Heavy Metal protagonist.

Industrial Metal
The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

Speed Metal
Suddenly there is a short solo, the dragon is confused; someone's screaming weird stuff; the princess realizes she's been deflowered; the dragon and the princess are still looking for the one who caused this.

Christian Metal
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "Sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

Glam Metal
The protagonist arrives; the dragon laughs at the protagonist’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

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