IRC-Galleria

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie.
-- Sting

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
-- Jack Nicholson

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.