IRC-Galleria

Tänäääääääään se on!!!!!!!:DDDDDD Onhan sitä odotettuki!

Minä, Mr. Penis, vaadin täten palkankorotusta seuraavista syistä:
1.. Teen fyysistä työtä.
2.. Joudun työskentelemään syvyyksissä.
3.. Joudun syöksymään kaikkiin tilanteisiin pää edellä.
4.. Minulla ei ole viikonloppuvapaita tai muitakaan pyhiä vapaana.
5.. Joudun työskentelemään kosteissa olosuhteissa.
6.. Joudun työskentelemään pimeässä tilassa, jossa on |huono ilmanvaihto.
7.. Joudun työskentelemään korkeissa lämpötiloissa.
| 8.. Työni vuoksi joudun alttiiksi tarttuville taudeille.

Vastaus
Hyvä Mr Penis, harkittuamme tarkkaan vaatimustanne, olemme |valitettavasti
tulleet tulokseen, että joudumme hylkäämään |palkankorotusvaatimuksenne
seuraavista syistä:
1.. Ette koskaan työskentele kahdeksaa tuntia yhteen menoon.
2.. Nukahtelette usein kesken työnteon.
3.. Ette aina noudata pääjohtajan määräyksiä.
4.. Ette aina työskentele teille määrätyssä paikassa, vaan usein
vierailette kielletyillä työskentelyalueilla.
5.. Ette osoita oma-aloitteellisuutta, vaan teitä täytyy usein
"herätellä" työntekoon.
6.. Jätätte aina työpaikkanne sotkuiseksi ja muiden |siivottavaksi työnne
jälkeen.
7.. Ette läheskään aina noudata turvamääräyksiä, etenkään
suojavaatetuksen osalta.
8.. Jäätte eläkkeelle ennen 65 ikävuotta.
9.. Olette kykenemätön työskentelemään kahta vuoroa peräjälkeen.
10.. Teillä on taipumus jättää työskentelyalue ennen |teille määrättyjen
suoritteiden valmistumista.
Ja jos tässä ei ole tarpeeksi, niin teidän on varsin usein nähty
saapuvan ja poistuvan työskentelyalueelta kahden epäilyttävän näköisen
kassin kanssa.

If we'd go again all the way from the start
I would try to change things that killed our love
Your pride has built the wall so strong that I can't get through!
Is there really no chance to start once again?
I'm loving you.

;)

"Tuijotti ovea pieni
kissa, oli aivan
hädissään.
Minä se täällä, avatkaa
ovi, onhan jo pimeää.
On nälkä ja jano, unikin
jo, minua paleltaa.
Tuo metsäkin huokuu
pelottavasti, on jo
kuurassa maa.
Ovi aukeni silloin, kun
mansikat tuoksui, säteili
taivas ja maa.
Ilo kaikui kallion
kupeelta, sirkat soitteli
viuluaan.
Aurinko hitsasi ahjossaan,
lintujen kuoro soi.
Kelli kissa nurmella
selällään ja onnen
maljasta joi.
Nyt pysyy ovi suljettuna,
nukkuu portailla vainaja.
Sillä jäätynyt pisara
poskellaan ja silmät
suljettuna.
Se pisara hyljätyn kyynel
on, se itkunsa itkenyt on.
Vain yksi ovi armahti
hyljätyn, pääsi lämpöön ja
valohon.
Nyt kissojen taivaassa
hyljätty, siellä kyynel on
pyyhitty pois.
Saa nukkua helmassa
armahtajan, mikä parempi
olla vois.
Via dolorosa oli viimeinen
polku kesäisen lemmikin.
Muistele lähditkö mökiltä
Sinä puhtain sydämin"

Paikannimiä Suomessa :>

Ja todellakin nämä ovat siis ihan oikeasti olemassa:

- Varvi (tienviitta Raahessa)
- Alapää (Hippi, Nurmo)
- Ala-Mulkku (Vaala)
- Annamarinhaara (Savo)
- Hassis (Keski-Pohjanmaa)
- Homeperseensuo (Haminan lähistollä)
- Hölö & mörkö (E4 tie Tukholmasta etelään)
- Iso-Melanen (Paltamo)
- Isomulkku (Oulujärvi)
- Jalanluiskahtamavaara (Inari)
- Keskimulkku (Oulujärvi)
- Kivesjärvi, kylä, -lahti, -vaara (Paltamo)
- Koirankyrpäoja (Salla)
- Kusipää (Pomovaaran huippu Muoniosta itään)
- Kyrvänsyrjäntie (Kainuu)
- Mulkkujärvi (Pohjanmaa)
- Kutemajärvi (Kangasniemi)
- Onpahanvaanlampi (Saarijärvi)
- Paskalampi (Espoo)
- Pieru (Saarijärvi)
- Paskatti (Somero)
- Pillunsilmä (Airisto)
- Pissiniemi (Tornionjoen rannassa)
- Puutteenperä (Vaala)
- Ruustinnanpillu (Oulujärvi)
- Siitinselkä (Varkaus)
- Takapajula (Neuvosenniemi)
- Terskanperä (Pulkkila)
- Tissinpohja (Savo)
- Viheltävän vitun aapa (Sodankylä)
- Ylä-Mulkku (Vaala)

Eli teoriassa, joku voisi jonain päivänä törmätä seuraavanlaiseen
kertomukseen esim. työhakemuksessa, eikä se olisi vittuilua:

Asun tällä hetkellä Hevonperseessä Kyrvänsyrjäntiellä, mutta
olen kotoisin Alapäästä. Pääsin ylioppilaaksi Terskanperän lukiosta
ja valmistuin siveystyöntekijäksi Paskalammen ammattikorkeakoulusta.
Opiskeluun kuuluvan työharjoittelun suoritin Hevonvitussa ja Pissiniemessä.
Pysyvän työpaikkani toivon löytyvän joko Ruustinnanpillusta tai
Tissinpohjasta, sillä olen vast'ikään mennyt naimisiin Pierusta tulevan
vaimoni kanssa.
Olemme rakentaneet yhteisen talon kotiseudulleni Alapäähän, sillä haluamme
kasvattaa
lapsemme Hassiksen luonnonmukaisessa ympäristössä. Vaimoni työskentelee
osa-aikaisena avustajana Ala-Mulkulla.

Onko hevonvitun siemeniä myytävänä? Voiko pillun päreistä rakentaa talon? Paljonko on helvetin 16? Jos nainen antaa kaikkensa niin voitko ottaa hänen polkupyöränsä? Jos on ylähuuli pyöreänä niin millainen on alahuuli? Jos nainen sanoo että elä laske sisään niin ketä hän tarkoittaa? Jos nainen tahtoo että tulet takakautta niin tarkoittaako hän saunan ikkunaa? Jos et tiedä vastausta kaikkiin kysymyksiin niin kopio päiväkirjaasi!xD

Laita musiikkisoittimesi sekoitukselle.
Joka kysymyksen kohdalla painat seuraavaa biisiä ja vastaat kysymykseen biisin nimellä.
___


1:

Mitä äitisi sanoo huudettuaan sinulle?: Discofreakz - Brother Louie
Isäsi tökkää sinua päähän ja sanoo: Nonstop - Pimeään
Kulkuri kävelee luoksesi ja sanoo: Savon - Break The Silence
Paras ystäväsi tönäisee sinua käteen ja sanoo: Thunderstone - Face In The Mirror
Törmäät pahimpaan viholliseesi ja hän sanoo: To/die/for - Wicked Circle
Yöllä vastaan tulee kadulla muukalainen: Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
Juokset kotonasi, kun veljesi pysäyttää sinut ja sanoo: Belle Lawrence - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor (Almighty Radio Edit)
Näet lemmikkisi ja sanot: Deep Spirit - Lonely 2005 (Romeo Vs Djwitek. Speedmaster Remix)
___


2:

Mikä laulu kuvaa...

elämääsi: Cascada - Truly, Madly, Deeply
ystäviäsi: Edorf - Hetki Vaan Aikaa
perhettäsi: D-Tune - Summertime (Extended Version)
ihastustasi/tyttö/poikaystävääsi: D-Tune - Push It 2004 :D
vihollistasi: Nightwish - Bye Bye Beautiful
uskontoasi: Chris Brown - Run It (Jason Nevins Radio Edit)
seksuaalisuuttasi: Siria - I Will Believe It (Cascada Radio Edit)
seksielämääsi: Ilkka Jääskeläinen - Soita
persoonallisuuttasi: Up'n'Down - Unelmani (DC-10 Radio Mix)
ulkonäköäsi: Linkin Park - Bleed It Out
___


3:

Elämäni soundtrack, eli mikä biisi soi taustalla, kun...

Elämäsi leffa alkaa: N'Sync - I Want You Back
Heräät: The Disco Boys - For You
Hengaat kaveriesi kanssa: DJ Mafia Pres. Nasty Deejays - Pussy Pussy
Sinä ja vihollisesi alatte taistella: Steen1 - Hyvästä Perheestä
Menet treffeille ihastuksesi kanssa: Hepsakka - Muistojen Silta
Suutelet häntä ensimmäistä kertaa: Lazard - Living On Video (Rocco vs. Bass-T Remix Edit)
Tulet kotiin ja sisaruksesi ovat pistäneet huoneesi päreiksi: Disco Ensemble - So Long Sisters :DD
Menet nukkumaan: Vanguarde - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (Royal Gigolos Club Mix)
Masennut: Basshunter - Mellan Oss Två
Yrität itsemurhaa: Anna Eriksson - Lintu
Hautajaistesi aikana: Luna - Rain
Hautajaisvastaanottosi alkaa: Mika - Relax, Take It Easy .... xD
Lopputekstien aikana: Black Bird - Tartuntavaara :D

Se on ihan sun päätös
= eihän asiaan ole kuin yksi ratkaisu, ja sen pitäis olla sullekin selvä.

Tee sä mitä tahdot
= kosto on kauhea.

Meidän pitäis puhua
= mä aion nyt avautua ja sä kuuntelet

Siitä vaan, senkun menet
= älä lähde.

En mä ole loukkaantunut
= tietenkin mä olen loukkaantunut, ääliö.

Oletpas sä tänään huomaavainen
= onko tänään seksipäivä?

Vähennetään romanttisesti valoja
= olen ihan jumalattoman turvoksissa

Onpas tää keittiö epäkäytännöllinen
= ostin uuden keittiön, se pitää asentaa huomenna.

Mitäs jos hankittais uudet verhot
= ..ja huonekalut ja maalataan makuuhuone.

Mä kuulin jotain melua
= sä olit melkein nukahtanut ja mua ei vielä väsytä.

Mä rakastan sua ihan hirveästi
= meillä on tyttöjen lomareissu tiedossa.

Oonkohan mä lihonut?
= kato nyt miten hyvännäköinen mä olen.

En mä mitään huuda
= totta vitussa huudan, kun mulla on hyvä syy.

Tottakai
= kyllä tai ei

Ei
= kyllä tai ei

Niin kai
= ei

Ihan miten vaan
= ei

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1. Seurustelu:

[ ] En ole ikinä seurustellut.
[ ] Olen seurustellut, mutta en juuri nyt seurustele.
[ ] Seurustelen
[ ] Olen ihastunut.
[ ] Olen rakastunut.


2. Meikkaus:

[x] Käytän meikkiä.
[ ] En käytä meikkiä.


3. Lävistykset:

[ ] Napa
[ ] Kulma
[ ] Silmienväli
[ ] Unicorn
[ ] Huuli
[ ] Smiley
[ ] Kieli
[ ] Tongueweb
[ ] Nenä
[ ] Septum
[ ] Poski
[ ] Korvalehti
[ ] Rusto
[ ] Venytyskoru
[ ] Nänni
[ ] Muu, mikä?
[x] Ei ole lävistyksiä.


4. Tupakka ja alkoholi.

Parasta tupakkaa on / Itse poltan:
[x] L&M
[ ] Smart
[ ] Bonus
[ ] Marlboro
[ ] Chesterfield
[ ] Camel
[ ] Swing
[ ] Jokin muu, mikä?
[ ] Mitä väliä merkillä?
[ ] Vanhempani tietävät että poltan.
[ ] Eivät tiedä.
[ ] Olen jäänyt kiinni vanhemmilleni.
[ ] En ole.
[x] En polta.

[ ] En ole ikinä maistanut alkoholia.
[x] Olen maistanut vähän.
[x] Olen juonut itseni pikku hiprakkaan.
[x] Olen juonut itseni isoon hiprakkaan.
[ ] Olen juonut itseni oksennuskuntoon.
[/] Olen juonut niin, että seuraavana päivänä en muista edellisestä illasta mitää/kaikkea tapahtumia.
[x] Olen tullut alkoholin vaikutuksen alaisena kotiin.
[ ] Olen jäänyt vanhemmilleni kiinni alkoholista.
[x] Vanhempani tietävät että juon.
[ ] Vanhempani eivät tiedä juonnistani.
[ ] Vanhempani antavat minun juoda.
[ ] Kun jäin kiinni, vanhempani suuttuivat.
[ ] eivät suuttuneet.
[ ] Olen tullut alkoholin takia jopa poliisiautolla kotiin.
[ ] Juominen on mielestäni tyhmää.
[x] Juominen on tietyissä määrissä mukavaa.
[x] Juon siideriä / lonkeroita tms.
[x] Olutta.
[ ] Viinaa.


5. Hiuksesi:

[ ] Blondi
[ ] Punapää
[x] Brunette
[ ] Muu, Mikä?


6. Ystävät

[ ] Minulla on useita ystäviä.
[x] Minulla on pari hyvää ystävää, mutta useita kavereita.
[ ] Olen yksinäinen.


7. Perhe

[x] Äiti.
[x] Isä.
[ ] Vanhemmat eronneet.
[ ] Äitipuoli.
[ ] Isäpuoli.
[ ] Sisko/Siskoja.
[x] Veli/Veljiä.
[ ] Siskopuoli
[ ] Velipuoli


8. Tietokoneet

[x] Oma kone.
[ ] Perheen yhteinen kone.
[x] Kannettava.
[ ] Tavallinen.
[ ] Windows 2000 tai vanhempi.
[ ] Windows xp
[x] Windows vista
[ ] Ei ole konetta kotona.
[ ] Koneella käyn kavereilla.
[ ] Koulussa.
[ ] Muualla, Missä?

[x] On kuvia galleriassa.
[ ] Ei ole kuvia.

[x] On messenger.
[ ] Ei ole messengeriä.

[ ] On Skype.
[x] Ei ole Skypeä.

[ ] Pelaan myös tietokoneella.
[ ] En pelaa.

[x] On webkamera
[ ] Ei ole webkameraa.


10. Asuminen

[ ] Omakotitalo.
[ ] Rivitalo.
[x] Kerrostalo.
[ ] Solu.
[ ] Muu, Mikä?


11. Musiikki:

[x] Omistan mp3 : sen.
[ ] En omista.
[x] Kuuntelen musiikkia koneella.
[ ] En kuuntele koneella musiikkia.
[x] Minulla on omat stereot/radio.
[ ] Lordi oli oikea voittaja Euroviisuissa.
[x] Kuuntelen paljon musiikkia laidasta laitaan.
[ ] Minulla on oma lempi "musiikkityyli".

12. Minulla on:
[x] Pyörä
[ ] Mopokortti.
[ ] Mopo.
[ ] Skootteri.
[ ] Mönkiä
[ ] Kevarikortti.
[ ] Kevari.
[x] Autokortti
[ ] Auto
[ ] Moottoripyörä.