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Superman is flying around when he sees Wonder Woman sun bathing in the nude.

He has some dirty thoughts but doesn't want to get turned down.

Wait a minute, he thought, I am Superman... faster than a speeding bullet, No one will see me!

So Superman flies down and does his thing before Wonder Woman can even blink.

Superman is happy as hell and goes about his flying business.

Wonder Woman sits up and yells WTF Was THAT!!!!

And Invisible Man says, "I dont effing know but my asshole is killing me!!!!!!"

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjdlrMTIFsw&feature=related

[verse 1]
I got the first flight out
when I finished up the tour,
because I missed you.
I even flew home a day too soon
all because I couldn't wait to kiss you.
Oh how she will be loved,
was the one thing stuck in my mind,
and how tonight would be
remembered for the rest of your life


[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd lose my temper like that,
Now it's some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

[Verse 2]
I know you know I passed on every girl
because I thought I really loved you,
And you know that I'd never put anyone
or anything above you,
because I loved you,
And it was that love that made me lose my head
and now its too late!
One day too soon, you'll regret it for the rest of your days!


[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd loose my temper like that,
Now its some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh, oh, oh,

Please God forgive,
for what I did,
this day will stay for as long as I live,
'Cause if you walked in
and seen what I seen
I know any man would have done just the same.
Please God forgive (No!),
for what I did (No!)
This day will stay for as long as I live,
'Cause if you walked in (No!)
In and seen what I seen, (No!)
I know any man would have done just the same
Because...I

[Chorus]
I never thought that I'd do something like that,
When I saw you two it hit me like a heart attack,
Oh No!
How could you let somebody in through our door?,
How could you bring him home?
I never thought I'd lose my temper like that,
Now its some fucked up situation,
He ain't coming back!
Oh No!
How could you please another man on our floor?
How could you bring him home?

[Outro]
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,
hey-e-ay-e-ay,
oh,u,oh,u,oh,

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/804597/
http://www.kontraband.com/videos/12991/Grand-Theft-Elmo/#show

How do you show someone you love
That they are the one
So many ways to express love
It's hard to choose just one
How you gonna do it

Some people like to kiss, some people like to hug,
Some lesbians like eating each other's shit out of a cup
Some people say "i love you," some even shout it out
Some people puke semi-digested shit into each other's mouths

Sometimes making love's not enough,
You have to step it up
And urinating on her face
Is not enough to say "i love you"

She's covered in vomit and human feces
That how i know that she needs me

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/fdad05b8c7

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