ROMAN NUMERAL SEVEN. Be it resolved that each of us will drink fewer alcoholic beverages, but will consume more alcohol, net, either by drinking stronger drinks, drinking larger drinks, or by any other method that meets the goal, including maybe, for example, sometimes freezing our drinks and eating them so it doesnÂ’t count as having drunk something. Pulverizing the drinks so that they can be snorted should also be looked into; injecting the drinks should not. Absorbing the drinks by soaking in a tub full of them over vast stretches of time also merits exploration, as does installing a tiny distillery inside our stomachs so that the drinks can be created inside us and thus consumed without ever having been drunk.
-W.A.S.