IRC-Galleria

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbckgdxlBm4

This song has been following me like a ghost. I heard it last night at a bar and not knowing whose song it was and not capturing a single word of it, I would probably have forgotten about it, if I hadn't found out that Lovex had covered it (I even was at that gig, but this song doesn't belong among the three moments that I remember from the show). I've searched for it at Youtube and have to listen to it all afternoon and it won't go out of my head.
What is even more weird, it reminds me of the dream I had last night, no idea why. I might have heard the song in it, who knows. But the feeling that the song calls out feels so good that I'm feeling even guitly for that (yes, from the stylistical point of view this sentence sucks, I know..). But I just can't help it. As if I was drug-addicted. (yes- I know nothing about being drug-addicted, but this is something I've never felt before and I just don't know where to put it)
I keep calling the dream weird, but in fact it was more than pleasant. Another thing I'm feeling kind of guilty for, even though there's no sane reason for that (I'm talking as if all of my reasons for everything ever weren't insane). It felt more than good, but the person that made everything feel good was not the one who should be there, or to be more precise not the one who I'd like to be there. My mind is screaming out something I'm still trying to deny.
I'll have to admit that, sooner or later, but I don't want to admit that yet. Not before things get clear enough. I know my mind is the one who knows what's the best for me, but stubborn as I am, I won't listen to her. I don't want to let her win over now, I want things to go my way, even though I feel it won't make me happy. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I guess all I can do is to wait and watch. I don't want to let go yet. It will come, but I think there's time for it. Nothing for now. Just watch.

Stolen from somewhere here around..

Honestly, are you in love right now? - Hard to say. "Yes" would be a lie and "no" would be a lie as well.
Honestly, what's on your mind right now? - The gig of Manzana, Selena and Unshine in Prague.
Honestly, what are you doing right now? - Writing this and listening to music.
Honestly, what did you do today? - Worked.
Honestly, do you think you are attractive? - Narcist as I am- of course.
Honestly, have you done something bad today? - Yeah.
Honestly, do you watch Disney channel? - Honestly, I had no idea that such a channel exists..
Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? - If I was supposed to be jealous, there's not one person- there's more of them. So is there really any point of being jealous?
Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time? - Wish there was something like that..
Honestly, do you bite your nails? - From time to time..
Honestly, what is your mood right now? - Tired.
Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment? - Mum.
Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret? - Not a deep dark one.
Honestly, do you hate someone right now? - "Hate is energy and that has to be deserved." No, there's no-one who'd deserve my energy of this kind.
Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now? - Mum.
Honestly, do your wrists hurt? - No..?
Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now? - Well why not..
Honestly, does anyone like you? - I think so.
Honestly, is it going anywhere with them? - I don't wanna know.
Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly? Yes.

Thinking about the questionnaire I put up on my blog yesterday, I've come to one interesting thing: you might not hate a single person in the world and still there might be crowds that will hate you..

Is it hatered when you can't even see a certain person's picture on the net? When you get sick when you accidentaly happen to read something they've written?
Actually no, I guess. I think it's disgust that I feel. Like for some kinds of dirt or rotten food. A rotten person. But disgust is not hatered, is it?

And is it consideration or selfishness to want to know more about a person who suffers sor a reason somehow similar to the one I suffer from?
(or I shouldn't say similar, because the problem is somewhere else, but there are similar traits) ((is "trait" in this context an English word as well, or only a French one?))

TAP:n keikka alkaa Kaijakassa klo 3 ja mä saapun Hkiin klo 2:15. Kivaa, kiitos.

TAP:n keikka samalla illalla kuin Renoise soittaa Apulannan kanssa.. Voi ei, miks?! :-(
Mutta se keikka 8.2. tuli ihan kivaa x)) Saanko toivotta ettei se oo akustista..? :D

Right, I wouldn't have thought that I would get the Lovex song so fast. And even from a Finnish girl. But I think it's great. It's very Lovex..
And yeeeeeeees, only three weeks and Paris is coming, hiiii!! And one big party! Lovex in Helsinki and then Renoise in Tampere :-) I can't wait. I probably won't sleep at all (again), but never mind, haven't I survived more.. Remembering the first Lovex gig in Prague when I got up on Saturday morning and went to sleep on Tuesday morning. 65 hours in a row without sleep, hyi. ..one more memory without any chance to be relived.. *sigh* They're coming maybe even too many at a time.. Even though it can be just as great in a different way, still. Past is gone. Now is now. Future is to come..

Jep jep, the Entwine album is on the way. I just love online shopping, it's so easy! :-)
And I'm freakin excited about the new Lovex song. The girls on the phorm have been writing how shocked they were and it makes me even more curious. Well, hopefully it will come on Myspace, too, or the Russian pirates will get it somehow else.. *giggle*

Maybe the dancing course will be a useful Finnish course, too. If the teacher speaks Finnish and the rest of the people around me, too, I guess I will be forced to use it anyway.. It's just much easier to learn a language when you can't use any other language..
And dicussing the impact of the problems between Russia and Ukraine on the Czech rep. in Finnish with the grandmothers was real fun :D
And now I'm determined to start dancing at home to gain back the physical condition I had a year ago (it feels to me that it can't be gained otherwise than by dancing, too) and stretch. Four years of gymnastics can't be lost that easily :D

Right, time for smaller steps. Today I managed 4 songs in a row on 100% performance. And the main reason that made me stop was that my arms started to hurt. So,

Step 1: 6 songs in a row on 100% peformance by the end of the week. If possible, without hurting arms.

I'm trying. I'm REALLY trying. But, hell, I just won't make it up, blah! I love the album, but I just won't make up a way how to put it down.. :-( I promised to send it during Friday. It's Monday evening and I have a half of the introduction. Maybe not even that. I guess this is not work for me. Not only for suffering from writer's block, there are plenty of reasons why this is not work for me, but I just don't have the courage to leave it. It just sounds so good that I write for the most prestigeous music website in the Czech rep. (not regarding the fact that I don't like the work and the leadership is a bunch of idiots) and there're not many occasions to do something like that.. I'm a spineless bitch.
Is it really a Scorpio thing that I seem to enjoy being behind and only to prepare the ground for someone else to show off? Or is it just a temporary defensive state of mind to prevent jealousy? I've always seemed to be a pure Scorpio and have been proud of that, but this doesn't really sound alike.. I guess, B is right. I will get out of that eventually. I guess..