If I was a singer I would sing you a song
About how good life was before people grew old
If I was a servant I would serve all day long
For I am loyal and trustworthy and require no gold
If I was a writer I would write you a book
About romance and drama and a police and a crook
If I was a soldier I would protect you from evil
For that is my duty and you are my pride
If I was a dancer I would ask you to dance
And swing and sweat and all night just prance
If I was a monster I would hide from the light
Just move in the night and spread much fright
If I was a cook I would make you a dish
With red meat and garlic and no nasty fish
If I was a blacksmith I would forge you a sword
With a sharp edge and a sheath for you to employ
If I was a doctor I would stitch you up
And heal you and tell you to drink something warm
If I was lover I would break your heart
Since I have no feelings I would tear you apart