-The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid
-I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.
-You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
-Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.