IRC-Galleria

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1775922

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auta kissaa valloittaa irc-galleria
lisäämällä tämä sinun päiväkirjaan :D

MIEHENKASVATUSOHJEITA NAISILLE

1. Ennen kuin hankit miehen on sinun pohdittava tarkoin jaksatko pitää siitä huolta monta vuotta eteenpäin.
- Sillä miehet eivät selviä luonnossa ilman omistajaansa.

2. Keskustele myös perheesi kanssa.
- Vaikka miehet ovat suloisia, kaikki eivät kuitenkaan pidä niistä, jotkut voivat olla jopa allergisia niille.

3. Ennen miehen hankkimista mieti tarkoin minkä rotuisen miehen haluat.
- Karvan pituudessa, värissä ja luonteessa on huomattavia eroja rodusta riipuen
- Yleisesti ottaen erilaiset suomenhörökorvat ja lapinseisojat on helpoin hankkia, mutta hieman vaikeampi kouluttaa kuin eurooppalaiset rodut.

4. Mieti myös mihin käyttötarkoitukseen miehesi haluat.
- Jos haluat vain tavallisen kotimiehen makaamaan sohvallesi, kerjäämään ruokaa ja haukkumaan vieraitasi kelpaa siihen parhaiten tavallinen suomalainen perusmies
- Jos taas tarvitset näyttelymiehen, on myös ulkonäölle asetettava vaatimuksia, miesnäyttelyissä menestyvät parhaiten jäntevät, ruskeat ja suhteellisen lyhytkarvaiset miehet. Näyttelymiehen pitoon liittyy muutamia ongelmia, niillä on mm. taipumusta karkailla.
- Harrastuskäyttöön on myös erilaisia miehiä, metsästykseen tarkoitetut miehet vaativat paljon liikuntaa ja ulkoilutusta. Siksi suosittelemme erilaisia nk. seisojia, jotka eivät vaadi niin paljon liikuntaa ja sitä voi harjoittaa myös sisätiloissa.

5. Kun olet tehnyt päätöksen miehen hankkimisesta, sinun on otettava selvää mistä saat haluamasi miehen.
- Ota yhteyttä perheisiin joissa tiedät olevan vapaita miehiä ja tee varaus.
- Käy tapaamassa miestä ja hänen perhettään ennen lopullista päätöstä, sillä perheolosuhteet vaikuttavat myöhempään koulutukseen.

6. Varmista että mies on vieroitettu emostaan.

7. Kysy miehen kasvattajilta miehen ruokintaohjeita ja muita tärkeitä sinua kiinnostavia seikkoja.

8. Voit hankkia myös hylätyn miehen.
- Mutta sillä voi olla edellisten omistajien jäljiltä pahoja tapoja.

9. Kun olet löytänyt sopivan miehen.
- Vie se lääkärille tarkastukseen ja rokotettavaksi.

10. Vie mies kotiisi.
- Varmista että sillä on tarpeeksi juomaa ja ruokaa, jotta se pysyy tyytyväisenä.

11. Useimmat antavat miehen nukkua sängyssään ja se onkin usein mukavaa.

12. Koulutus on parasta aloittaa yksinkertaisista asioista, kuten.
- Sisäsiisteydestä. Ankarasta koulutuksesta huolimatta kaikki miehet eivät kuitenkaan opi sisäsiiteiksi.
- Oven avaaminen ja kukkien tuominen ovat hankalia temppuja, jotka onnistuvat vain valioyksilöiltä.

13. Vaikka miehet näyttävätkin usein kuuntelevan sinua.
- Ne eivät kuitenkaan ymmärrä puhettasi.

14. Jos mies karkailee usein.
- HANKI UUSI MIES.

15. Huomaa, ettei kaikkia miehiä kannata käyttää siitokseen.
- Siihen kelpaavat vain rekisteröidyt miehet.
- Jos kuitenkin haluat pentuja eikä miehesi ole rekisterissä, varaudu ongelmiin.

Ompa kiva olla nainen...


Jos panet lapsesi päiväkotiin, olet julmuriäiti.
Jos jäät itse kotiin, elät miehen siivellä.
Jos teet paljon töitä, menetät viehätysvoimasi.
Jos teet vähän töitä, menetät työpaikkasi.
Jos käytät meikkiä, kuljet sotamaalauksessa.
Jos et käytä, laiminlyöt ulkoisen olemuksen hoitamisen.
Jos teet vaatimatonta työtä, sinua syytetään kunnianhimon puutteesta.
Jos suoritat vaativia tehtäviä, olet työsi kanssa naimisissa oleva pyrkyri.
Jos näytät tunteesi, olet itkupilli.
Jos hillitset itsesi, olet jäävuori.
Jos olet vielä 25-vuotiaana naimaton, et kai enää saa ketään.
Jos menit naimisiin nuorena, sinun oli kai pakko mennä.
Jos olet auttavainen, sinua käytetään hyväksi.
Jos välität vain itsestäsi, olet kylmä ihminen, joka ei pysty yhteistyöhön.
Jos olet puoleensavetävä, viet ystäviesi miehet ja mielenrauhan.
Jos et näytä miltään, kukaan ei välitä sinusta.
Jos olet älykäs, älä vain näytä sitä.
Jos et, niin sinun on oltava vähintään viehättävä

Eikö olekin loistavaa olla nainen?!?

Kirjoita kommentti

ENNEN KUIN MINUSTA TULI
ÄITI

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
Tein ja söin lämpimiä
aterioita.
Minulla oli
tahriintumattomat
vaatteet.
Minulla oli hiljaisia
puhelinkeskusteluja.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
Nukuin niin myöhään kuin
halusin,
enkä kantanut huolta
siitä,
kuinka myöhään menin
nukkumaan.
Harjasin hampaani ja
hiukseni joka päivä.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
Siivosin kotini joka
päivä.
En koskaan kompastunut
leluihin tai unohtanut
tuutulaulun sanoja.
Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti,
en tullut ajatelleeksi,
olivatko minun
huonekasvini myrkyllisiä
vai eivät.
En miettinyt koskaan
rokotuksia.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
Minun päälleni ei oltu
koskaan
oksennettu,
kakattu,
syljetty,
pureskeltu,
pissitty
eikä nipistelty pienillä
sormilla.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
Minulla oli täydellinen
mielenhallinta,
-ajatuksieni ja vartaloni
hallinta.
Nukuin koko yön.
En ollut koskaan pidellyt
kirkuvaa lasta,
jotta lääkärit voisivat
tehdä
kokeita tai antaa
rokotuksia.
En ollut koskaan katsonut
itkuisiin
silmiin ja itkenyt.
En ollut koskaan ollut
äärettömän
onnellinen
yksinkertaisesta hymystä.
En ollut koskaan istunut
myöhään yöllä
katsellen nukkuvaa lasta.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
En ollut koskaan pidellyt
nukkuvaa vauvaa,
vain sen vuoksi,
etten halunnut laittaa
häntä sänkyynsä.
En koskaan ollut tuntenut
sydämeni
murskaantuvan miljooniksi
pieniksi palasiksi,
kun en voinut lopettaa
kipua.
En koskaan ollut tiennyt,
että jokin niin pieni voi
vaikuttaa elämääni niin
paljon.
En koskaan ollut tiennyt,
että voisin jotakuta
rakastaa niin paljon.
En koskaan tiennyt, että
rakastaisin olla äiti.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
En tiennyt miltä tuntuu
kun sydämeni on ruumiini
ulkopuolella.
En tiennyt kuinka ihanalta
voi tuntua,
kun syöttää nälkäistä
vauvaa.
En tiennyt siteestä äidin
ja lapsen välillä.
En tiennyt, että jokin
niin pieni
voisi saada minut
tuntemaan itseni niin
tarpeelliseksi.

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.
En ollut koskaan noussut
ylös
yöllä kymmenen minuutin
välein
tarkistaakseni, että
kaikki on kunnossa.
En ollut koskaan tuntenut
sitä
lämpöä
iloa
rakkautta
sydänsärkyä
ihmetystä
tai tyytyväisyyttä, joka
äitiydestä tulee.
En tiennyt, että voisin
tuntea niin paljon...

Ennen kuin minusta tuli
äiti.

That until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned: That until there are no longer first-class and second class citizens of any nation; That until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes; That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race; That until that day, the dream of lasting peace and world citizenship and the rule of international morality will remain but a fleeting illusion, to be pursued but never attained; And until the ignoble and unhappy regimes that hold our brothers in Angola, in Mozambique and in South Africa in subhuman bondage have been toppled and destroyed; Until bigotry and prejudice and malicious and inhuman self-interest have been replaced by understanding and tolerance and good-will; Until all Africans stand and speak as free beings, equal in the eyes of all men, as they are in the eyes of Heaven; Until that day, the African continent will not know peace. We Africans will fight, if necessary, and we know that we shall win, as we are confident in the victory of good over evil. – Haile Selassie I

PERUSKOULUN PÄÄTTÖTODISTUS


Äidinkieli..................... 8
Englanti....................... 9
Ruotsi......................... 7
Matematiikka................... 8
Fysiikka ja kemia............. 10
Biologia ja maantieto.......... 8
Historia ja yhteiskuntaoppi.... 9
Uskonto....................... 10
Liikunta ja terveystieto....... 9
Musiikki...................... 10
Kotitalous..................... 7
Käsityö: tekstiilityö.......... 8
Kuvataide...................... 7
Käytös ja huolellisuus......... 9

Keskiarvo.................... 8,5

http://www2.hs.fi/extrat/hsfi/omaelama/peruskoulutesti/default.asp

sano yksi hyvä puoli ja yksi huono puoli minusta.

sen jälkeen pistä tämä päiväkirjaasi ja kuulet mitä ihmiset rakastavat ja ei rakastavat sinussa !

Jos luet tätä, jos silmäsi liikkuvat juuri tällä hetkellä näiden sanojen yli, ole kiltti ja kirjota kommentti, jossa on muisto susta ja musta, vaikka emme edes puhuis usein. Se voi olla ihan mitä tahansa haluat - hyvää tai huonoa. Kun olet tehnyt tämän, laita tämä omaan päiväkirjaasi ja ylläty (tai kauhistu) siitä, mitä ihmiset muistavatkaan susta.