IRC-Galleria

i'm applying for my visa today....
dear god its horrible
horrible horrible horrible
stresssss
there r things on this paper.. that make no sense!!!!!!!!!

i tanned Lori today.
she's very white
she stripped down to her panties and nothing else in +9 degrees out side to be spray tanned by me.. she put bandaide on her nipples..... i'm still laughing about her tan lines
my hand is tan though... it looks like i cut it off a black person and sew it to myself... well.. what do u know... hmmm
oh well.
it so so funny

it clicked to me today
i know everyones secrets...
Australians and Finnish.
i know what you dont want people to know about you....
hahahah
it felt good thinking that just then.

ahhhg... i'm still having issues with sluts and little spoilt girls at work. its annoying when ugly AND fat people try and pick on u. You look at them like... wtf....
i think its because i'm kind of quiet at work and like to stick to myself and not be very social.. hmmm

Tomorrow is Hannahs funneral.... i know i'm going to cry alot becaus ei havent since i found out. i have just been in shock i think.

I spoke with tiia on msn tonight... it was great i loved it n_n we have many plans for the future.
Kielo Leila and Carmine Mik'iel are going to have a beautiful wedding<3<3<3 X''''D

my drawing has died in the ass. i hate my style at the momnet i ahve to work harder on it

i'm totally busting out of my skin with exsitment about mira comming here! i am planning everything out like a well organised assasin! Barhaha

i cant wait to get out of here. Oulu is calling me... i miss that place. i dont care what anyone says, its the most amazing town to me. it holds.. so.. so many GOOD... no... GREAT memories i could never live any where but there or Australia. once i'm in that town good luck getting me out. Oulu is my new life partner,i think i'll marry a city awwh <3<3
no... hahaha tiia knows what kind of guy i will marry ;D

also... i had a random come up to me today and ask me if i was a lesbian... for no reason..
i go.. "no i'm straight" and she goes.. "oh.. ok... suuuure" like she dindt believe me... WTF! come on... do i really look gay i even grew my hair long now! maybe i send of gay vibes... maybe this is why i cant get a guy... or at least a straight one... hmmm of well.

this weekend i go to father dearest... should be fun <3

i miss you guys... u should contact me more often... it makes me sad when i dont hear from u.

yes yes yes!
Mira is comming here!!!!
this is the happyest thing to happen to me in .. ohhh months
i cant wait to see her
also... MIRA YOU NEARLLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK! 22nd of june.. GOD!
ok see you baby... i gotta go do.. stuff.. joy

This morning i found out that last night at 11pm, one of my good friends who i have known since before i started school was killed in a head on car crash. out of the five people involved, she was the only one who died...
Hannah Goldsworthy was an amazing person. she was the only one who got better grades then me in my english class. she was.. ah amazingly creative and wrote the most beautiful stories and poems. for my going away party before i had ever gone to finland she wrote me the most beautiful letter and handed it to me. she told me that the world is a book, and those who do not travel only read a page.
Now i want to read the whole book.
i'm.. just in shock i dont feel anything just... numb... all over.
i cant believe she's gone. she was studying so hard at uni, she was always sacraficing to get where she wanted to be and now.... she's gone....
life, its too fragile....
its not fair

i'm having what i can only call a freaking out.
i was pondering last night.
after i finish working for riitta.. what will i do? get a job yes i guess.. but i dont have to be a uneducated hick! i do want to go to school
what... what if it doesnt work out... what if i end up being a bogan for the rest of my life D:
and and what if i get sent back to australia... i have no where to go here. i know school i can get into here... but its like 9000$ a year to study at them... and u have to move to the big cities... far far away form my family and what little friend i have left... no.. not just bigger cities... but others STATES! and it all cost so much money and i have so little money.

ahhhoooo.. dear god.. also.
me and mum.
fight-fight-fight-fight
she never goes away always finding something to argue about. comming up with stupid reasons to yell at me. half the time i SWEAR TO GOD! she just wants to punch me... for no reason... because i dont want to argue with her and i just leave her be, but no she has to keep going even when i agree with her!
i wish she would just leave me alone!

its taking too long to get all the stuff i need to get to finland, i'm hoping it will be here...VERY soon because i am running out of time and i am having like... panic attacks from it.

i am FORVERLY fighting with people at work, its getting to the point i am getting rather nasty and just prefure to be left on my own as there are so few that i get along with now days bar a few that r ok.

i'm sick of being fat! how did i let this happen!? dam bitch you r getting fat, i gotta do something about this but its kinda hard here in Port Augusta with its tiny gym that costs an arm and a leg to go to! and the fact that i workall day and if i go out at night i could be saaaaay... BASHED or RAPED!

dam u all to helllllll....
gah
stress stress stress....
i think i should be medicated or something... i'm becoming a twitching manic ball of mess, its amazing my hair hasnt fallen out of something.... not that i would mind right now sinces its FUCKING PINK! (still DX<)


mostly... i'm lonley, and i have no suport here. no one wants to help me get to finalnd, they all want me to fail so i stay...
its very tiring after a while having every one work against u and always having to do everything on your own and be alone in more then one way.

i have been meaning to ring every one because i dont feel so lonley when i hear your voices... but after my last phone bill.... i dont know when i can ring you guys next or if i can again... it was $300... for 4 calls.... 1 to tiia, 1 to cappi, 1 to mira and then add another $60 because i rang mert as well.

i want to ring you guys every day... but i cant... not just because of money... but i have horrible freak outs just before i ring you guys. i'm so scared your like.. busy or something and i'm annoying you, or that you dont want to talk with me because i dont really have anything intresting to say and life is so down and depressing here, no one wants to hear that.
i'll addmit it, the hardest one to call is mert, because his life is so intresting right now and mines is so... blah and is big mess, i dont wanna call and the only thing i have to say is i miss you i'm depressed...
and when i hang up from you guys... i feel so much worse then before because i'm reminded how alone i am here. its like.... being pulled underwater and not being able to get to the surface...a kind of drowing in ones self feeling is all i can describe it as.
After i ring mert or mira... i normally have to go and be alone so i can cry and feel horrible... because mum is so angry all the time that is she sees me she gets angry at me and every one gets angry at my fins saying that they r the reason that i'm sad.. well yes.. they are... but its not their fault, i've just beocme too attached... and its something i have never done before, become to attached to some one. and its weird i must say and out of character for me, but i like it and i cant give it up.

the bestest thinga nd most brightest thing i am looking forwards to, even more then comming back to finland is seeing mira again here.... hurry up!

i hope your all having a much better time then me.
i know this is rather depressing and no one wants to hear how shit and depressed i am, i dont even want to hear i wouldt like hearing that you guys were that way....
but.. writting it out helps me deal with it more.
ok.
i go now

i stayed at dads this weekend
and
offically
HAD A BLAST
we went go-kart racng around the place and hired vid games and ate junk food and just had fucking fun, i havent been this relaxed and had this much fun in.. forever!

OK!
i have my laptop-check
i have my wacom-check
i have my fat pants and huge old shirt- check
i have no voice- double check

i have been so sick this week....
not ahh like throwing up and stuff... just a really bad cough that sounds like i am barking like a dog, and because my throat feels like its on FIRE! it has decided to turn off my voice... and me trying to talk now if the most freak sound i have ever heard.
i did go to work today at 8:30am... but by 12:30 i had to go home because i had almost lost my voice completely and i was starting to feel like some one had run me over and i was no road kill on the side or the road... flat!
so i went home had a little nap got up read breaking dawn again and then did some drawing on my laptop (ohhhh my laptop)

so for you's who dont know, i spoke to riitta, and i am now waiting for the papers she got in the mail and i should be home by... ohhhh i dont know maybe late september or the start of October i guess.... which is only a month shy of when i came last year... drat! i miss out ona summer... again... not that it matters when i roll off the plane i think imight go into hiding for about 3 montsh while i try and peel my new winter coat off of me, my winter coat being layers of lovely fat my body has decided to get and wear to keep me warm... i feel like some kind of .. i dont know... bear getting ready for winter. lets hope once i'm home and i'm back on my poor man diet of tins of tomatos and rice that it might go away because lets face it... wobbling fat was soooo last season.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
FUCK!
FUCKING FUCK FUCK!
MY HAIR TURNED FUCKING PINK!
AHHH!
WTF now i have to try my hardest to go back blonde.. gah i cant believe it went fuckin pink of all the colours!
oh and gah totally listen to this song people i'm so .. so obsessed with it its so beautiful ;Her Diamonds - Rob Thomas
ohhh....

i DEMAND that i be taken to a MUSE rock festable one day!
Supermassive black hole is a fucking wicked song dam i can NOT get enough of it
today we're gonna have Dylans 16th birthday party.. its gonna... be HUGGGE!
like dam huge
i think half the town is cumin
anyway.
my hair is still brown.. i'm starting to not like it any more i miss being blonde.... i just have to wait for it to fade out so i can make it blonde again and that might take till une D:
oh well... it was nice for a change i guess.
Ha... i'm still fighing with the butcher and Dianne.. now apparently... i'm a slut and lazy.... ok.. u guys know me better then well.. ANYONE! cough- yeah i can be lazy sometimes... i'll give that... but not like what they say... and slut.. ah yeahhh..... i might be wrong tell me if i am, but um... i think me and capi might be the worlds most SEX-less people in the world... just a thought. and on my half.. its by choice.
ahh... why dont bad things happen to bad people... like... them getting hit by a car.. that would be so.. so nice... yeahhh
hmmmm
so yeah like i managed to lose weight also... le'shock... i'm no longer 80kgs! i'm now 77kgs... thata progress i guess... hopefully D:
lets hope i'm back to my normal 65kgs by the time i get home... i have doubts though.
hmmmmm... i have bene misisng mert and mira alot lately... not talking to them... blah, they never have nything that intresting to tell me and most of the time i get bored by the end of it caise we talk like "yes" "how u?" "good" "hmmm" "what u doing" 'nothing" "hmmm ok"... "hmm what u doing now".... GAHHHHHHH OMG!
but i miss... in differnt way i decided this morning while laying in bed.
its more... i miss the way you smell. i miss the way my heart beats that little bit faster when i see your face. i miss the way i feel suffercated in bed when one of u rolls over and traps me against the wall and i nearly freak out because i cant move.
i miss being able to hold your hand and cuddle into you... like no one else is there and no one else matters.
i miss.... my ass being slapped till there are marks.. strangly
i miss... bitching and telling you everything that on my mind all the time. hahah i miss bitching about one or the other to the other when u piss me thr fuck off.
i miss the way being with you felt so natural... like breathing.
Mira... she was like air.. i cant live with out her, i breath her so naturally
Mert... he is like a drug.. i would hurt people and do unthinkable things to get to him.
neither one i could ever live with out.

hmmm... although.. this is good this time because.. i dont miss so painfully that my herat shatters and i'm inpain all the time... this time.. its more of a dull ache... better thn last time when it wasa constant burning stabbing pain.
yeah
well
thats all i gotta say
moikka!