IRC-Galleria

It's been about ten days since I last saw my girlfriend.. I haven't eaten really well after that.. I can't say that I actually have an appetite.. not like I had when I was living back home in Turku.. that's right, my home is there, not here.. this place is important to me, I grew up here.. but I chose to leave this place for a reason.. which was that like I've noticed again, these people make me go crazy.. my younger sister annoys the hell out of me and I don't feel like I belong here anymore.. Don't get me wrong I love my family just as anyone else.. but they drive me insane.. I cannot understand those stereotypical Italian men who live with their mothers even when they're in their thirties or forties.. I mean get a fucking life! Learn to cook and wash your clothes.. see the world.. learn a foreign language.. JUST DO SOMETHING!! ..for fuck's sake.. there are six billion people on this planet and in your own village/town/city/counrty you'll meet a ridiculously small number of those wonderful human beings..

Like, huopatukka, who wrote in her blog about how she's pissed off at people who simply don't care about the world and what they're doing to it.. I am too.. the amount of expletives would get me censored in most 'civilized' countries, so I'll just say that.. watch the news.. recycle.. buy your clothes from second-hand stores.. concentrate on what's really important in life: family, friends, life experience, making a difference in your immediate surroundings.. help a stranger on the street find their way to wherever.. show some fucking human kindness for once in your miserable existence.. C'mon, hop to it! It ain't so hard..

This Western way of life is so focused on the material plain that people forget to think about what they can actually take with them when they die.. I keep repeating this same old line from "Fight Club" but I has truth in it: The things you own, end up owing you.. ..If you think the irony in this line ..well.. the person who says it, isn't real.. at least in this reality..
Those who know me may know how I've planned to get few tattoos once I have enough money and balls to get them.. one of these would entail getting the words "In omnia paratus" and "Omnia mea mecum porto" hacked under my skin.. Now, my girlfriend, will probably correct me and say that you really shouldn't ..'cos I've understood them wrong or something.. but the first means "ready for anything" and the second "everything I own I carry with me".. The first appeared in Gilmore Girls as a slogan for the Life and Death Brigade.. and the second comes from Ancient Greece.. one of those old stories about a man who goes on a boat trip and they end up in a horrible storm and people drown clinging to their belongings.. and when he gets to shore, people ask him what did he lose as the boat sank to the bottom.. the man says 'omnia mea mecum porto' (but in Koine Greek of course) ..I've tried to live my life by these codes as best as I can..

We talked about death and dying with my therapist.. a few weeks ago.. and I said that if I died now I wouldn't regret anything I've done.. I've seen the things I've wanted to see.. of course I'd want to travel to far away places etc. but let's face it.. I'll probably never have enough money to do so.. I mean.. when do you have _enough money_? I only regret not saying "I love you" to the people who'd deserve hearing it.. I regret not treating my friends better (everyone at Anglica.. especially Lilli and her friends.. I could've been nicer to them..) ..I regret acting like a fool everytime I was too drunk to know my own name.. and for the times I'll continue to do likewise.. I'm not proud of the times I've flirted with anyone who was/is seeing someone else.. even though it's just flirting to me.. somewhere along the line.. somebody could get hurt..
All in all, I don't fear death.. I wait for it.. I've accepted the fact that my friends and I will die someday.. but what we do now, how we treat the people now.. what kind of an impression we leave in the minds of others.. will determine how well we have lived our lives.

Again, this became longer than I originally intended..
Enjoy the summer,
Your enlightened boddhisattva,
~O~