IRC-Galleria

received ma pics from ma friend. pics which r made in riga ma home.
damn, i hate ma memoriz. hate them bcz i feel now that i was really happy in ma past only. z tha good??????? no.
i remember those straight roads leading somewhere. i could go all the time. i met there no one. i was laughing there with ma closest friends. almost like ma sis and broz. 2 guyz and one girl. it was ma real home.
i remember small streets, where i got from big ones. i could find smth there. smth unknown and forbidden. e.g. a phylosophic look on the sky. or smth else. i culd laugh that policy is chasin us. hah.....
i was there. i was the real me then. i didn wanna play any role. as same i don wanna do that now. i had those ppl who did really understand me. my style. ma words, ma world. i had there ppl who love me. and now they r too far away. and it didn bother me that i lose ma friends. fake ones. those 3 helped me. we helped each otha.
i lived with no troubles. i didn care bout wha ma parents r sayin. they didn bother me. i know, it looks like i am that type of person who duzn love parents, but it 's not truth. i did wat i want.
it was ma world, which is not crashin, no way, but i lose that. it wasn innocent. had no rulez. was bit weird.
now, i live in the place i don like. place where i have to be like other ppl. i hav to play. i know, i'm a good actress but i cant live ma life bein someone else.!!!!!!!! i know, i'm changin, gettin angrier. but one ma streak i will neva lose - ma weirdness (the most important in me), ma confidence in life, in maself.
whaz the result? i hav fake happiness. i hav good friends, but they r too far away. they cant rally support me, when i feel fuckin bad. they say they do. i trust, but i need smth else. to be nearer. it s not too much, but at the moment its impossible. shit. i kinda hav big love story, but it seems to be ended. i don hav a "prince" here. but the problem is - i don wanna search. i'm trying to wait.
do i need much? a life like in the past, with no troublez and worriz. i need those summers. i need smiles. it s not too much at the first sight. but it s too difficult to wait for that.....