like Shaggy wud say "it wazn meeh"

like and dislikeTorstai 06.04.2006 17:58

dislike: sexists, our english teacher, guyz, tomatoz, school and dumb fashion girls
like: guyz, chockolate, friends, summer, chill out

p.s. dilemma - i like and i hate guyz.....

rainKeskiviikko 05.04.2006 20:20

A little bit of rain on ma face
A little bit of memories in ma head
Which rain drop will win this race?
Who with I will be killing maself?

How much rain will I run over?
How many words will I recall?
How many things in me I will find still moving?
After you went off…..

And I will be watching rain shaking on ma window
Right now I’m feeling this water closing ma eyes
They are trying to make me do this bow
But I don’t wanna accept what I don’t like

I believe this rain will stop when the time comes
I believe you will come back to me soon
You will clear away all ma scars
And I will avoid this strange doom

And this mordant rain will turn into nothing
The sun in me will be shining again
And I will look in your eyes flashing
Recalling ma unhappy past that is totally away

emTiistai 04.04.2006 19:31

smth strange is happenin to me - i wanna juts sleep when i come home. and this happens all the time. and now i am sittin and typin and feelin that i'm gonna fall down asleep, even though i just dragged maself outta bed. and i did that anly because i hav ma trainin. am i sick in some way???????? bein soooo tired! hav no idea how i am gonna make this week..... with all the exams.....

again n againSunnuntai 26.03.2006 20:27

oh, great i am sick. ma fever is 37.7. just perfect! besides that i hav depression.

eeeehhhhMaanantai 06.03.2006 19:33

sucha fuckin feelin inside... like i got smth wrong.... i wanted that but it's not that what i REALLY NEED ..... smth that duzn wanna leave me.... smth that makes me sinkin in the sea of depressin memoriz.... like it's just closin eyes, watchin lonely light in a dark room, listenin to songz which remind.... is that fair?????? i am usin and i am used... it makes me feel so fuckin wrong! like i live smonez else life, not mine.... like i'm hurryin with some things.... damn, and i dont hav time to think about what i am doin and why..... time'z so fast... cant stop it.... wud like to return to ma past, to change ma destiny..... tryin to do it now, but still it s impossible..... god, why?!
wanna look back to all those people i hav ever had in ma life for a second or for years, tryin to understand what is happenin to me. why i feel like bein fake.....
wanna a pause in this runnin time.....

ayeeeeeeeeeKeskiviikko 01.03.2006 11:19

1st of march!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! itz spring!!!!!!! duzn matter tha itz snowy, but still!!!!!! the sun is shinin, and ....... gooood, itz spring, god damn!

hmm. thaz fucked up.Tiistai 28.02.2006 16:50

received ma pics from ma friend. pics which r made in riga ma home.
damn, i hate ma memoriz. hate them bcz i feel now that i was really happy in ma past only. z tha good??????? no.
i remember those straight roads leading somewhere. i could go all the time. i met there no one. i was laughing there with ma closest friends. almost like ma sis and broz. 2 guyz and one girl. it was ma real home.
i remember small streets, where i got from big ones. i could find smth there. smth unknown and forbidden. e.g. a phylosophic look on the sky. or smth else. i culd laugh that policy is chasin us. hah.....
i was there. i was the real me then. i didn wanna play any role. as same i don wanna do that now. i had those ppl who did really understand me. my style. ma words, ma world. i had there ppl who love me. and now they r too far away. and it didn bother me that i lose ma friends. fake ones. those 3 helped me. we helped each otha.
i lived with no troubles. i didn care bout wha ma parents r sayin. they didn bother me. i know, it looks like i am that type of person who duzn love parents, but it 's not truth. i did wat i want.
it was ma world, which is not crashin, no way, but i lose that. it wasn innocent. had no rulez. was bit weird.
now, i live in the place i don like. place where i have to be like other ppl. i hav to play. i know, i'm a good actress but i cant live ma life bein someone else.!!!!!!!! i know, i'm changin, gettin angrier. but one ma streak i will neva lose - ma weirdness (the most important in me), ma confidence in life, in maself.
whaz the result? i hav fake happiness. i hav good friends, but they r too far away. they cant rally support me, when i feel fuckin bad. they say they do. i trust, but i need smth else. to be nearer. it s not too much, but at the moment its impossible. shit. i kinda hav big love story, but it seems to be ended. i don hav a "prince" here. but the problem is - i don wanna search. i'm trying to wait.
do i need much? a life like in the past, with no troublez and worriz. i need those summers. i need smiles. it s not too much at the first sight. but it s too difficult to wait for that.....

je deteste l'hiver, but holidayz are ok.Keskiviikko 22.02.2006 16:13

ye, finally i'm in riga. never home, around with friends. and the weather duzn really bother, but it's still not summer. yea, i'm happy now.

friday!!!Perjantai 17.02.2006 16:56

today is that type of day which is the rarest - i'm happy. ppl say i'm shinin, it makes them hav that lil bit of my happiness. i dunno why, whaz happened to me. but when i look in the mirror i dont see maself - i see a lil sun lookin at me. who r u, dear?
i 'm thinkin of smth and eatin chocolate. lookin forward to tomorrow. yep...
i'm happy. and i dunno why. think itz the best way of bein glad, bcz if u know particular reason of havin this condition u know it can jus fade somehow, but i dunno the reason, so i cant be afraid of itz damagin

:PTorstai 16.02.2006 17:43

feeling so bitchy today. think it z not great. :PPP but still. they r serious, i'm smiling and thinking some crap. and smiling again. barbie bein. dunno.