IRC-Galleria

After a fucking crappy week at work, there is only one week until I go for a "holiday" in the UK. Wooptymotherfuckingdo. But yeah, so I just went to check on my booking etc, and find out that I have NO CONFIRMATION NUMBER, which is needed to check in. The words "For fucks sakes" don't even cover this one.

I have quite possibly the worst flatmate on earth. The kitchen looks like a small nuclear weapon has exploded, and I'm expected to clean up.... I clean up after everything I do, whilst she makes a mess, and then goes and does whatever the fuck she does, expecting me to do it.

On top of that, I'm trying to find out what time my friend is working next Saturday, so I can go and surprise him at my old workplace. Asking my boss is one option, but I want it to be a surprise, and so that is totally out of the question.

I dont want to go and pretend that everything is alright, when it's not. I feel yet again like breaking something, because nothing seems to be going right.
In my last 2 years of Sixth Form, I basically threw away my education because I figured that other things were more important.

How wrong I was. When I was at Sopukka, the week before last, we were told that, when our projects here end, we will get no more support from CIMO, the Finnish National Agency who are funding our stays here. I found out on Monday, that my project ends on 31.05, whereas I leave Finland on 14.6. Which has 2 weeks where I am getting no support from anyone. So, if I'm gonna survive, I have to save nearly all my "wages". Impossible.

Then, once I'm back in England, the fun and games really do begin. I will need a job. Fair dues, but for me, finding a job is a nearly impossible task. Whilst "prioritising" at Sixth Form, I forgot that I was there to get good grades, so that I had a future.

Basically, the future is not bright. I have no decent qualifications, no hope of getting a job upon my return to the UK, and basically, nothing.

I'm fucked.

Yes... I'm VERY bored.

So bored, that I'm blogging, AND thinking with numbers over 10.

It's true!!

I worked out that between now and leaving Finland *sigh*, I have about 60 days where I'm not working....

And if you think I'm staying 60 days in this flat if I dont have to, you're very wrong. I hate it in here.

So........ I'm asking that anyone who reads this blog, has the kindness in their hearts to suggest cheap places that I could spend some of this time....

And also, could someone tell me what I would expect to pay to go to Stockholm and Tallinn?

Kiitti!!

1) Would you kiss the last person you kissed, again?
yes

(2) How many girlfriends/ boyfriends have told you they love you?
4. but only one time have they actually been my boyfriend.

(3) Have you ever thought that you were going to marry a person?
no

(4) Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
no

(5) Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
idk

(6) Are you happier single or in a relationship?
Seeing as i dont have relationships, i cant comment.

(7) Have you ever been cheated on?
yes...

(8) Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?
no

(9) Have you ever had your heart broken?
no

(10) If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
yes

(11) Think any of your ex's feel the same?
yes

(12) Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend/boyfriend or friend?
i'm a good friend, but a crap girlfriend....

(13) Have you dated someone who was not good to you?
Chris was a cunt...

(14) Have you dated someone older than you?
yes, he was 22, and I was 17

(15) Younger?
erm, I dont think so

(16) Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
no, cause there is always a reason as to why things went wrong.

(17) Do you Believe in love at first sight?
ei

(18) Ever been given an engagement ring?
no

(19)Ever been given a promise ring?
no

(20) Do you ever want to get married?
maybe

(21) Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you?
yes!!

(22) Ever liked your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend?
yes...

(23) Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds?
no

YOU
1. A Cuddler?: yes
2. A morning person?: I have to be
3. Are you a perfectionist?: not in my opinion
4. Religious?: no
5. In your pajamas?: yeah
6. Left handed?: nope

LAST
1. Friend you saw: Tiina, Natascha
2. Talked to on the phone: Nadine
3. Message over irc: Ruby
4. Wore: pyjamas
5. Was today better than yesterday?: no. I feel lke complete shit today

FAVORITE
1. Number: 2
2. Color: pink and black
3. Season: summer

CURRENTLY
1. Missing: some people
2. Wanting: heh *smirks like a smirky thing*

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS
Q: first thing you did when you woke up?
A: threw up. im not well

Q: Last thing you ate:
A: tortilla

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: yes

Q: What's the last movie you watched?
A: "The Good Girl"

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: bathroom

Q: Do you smile often?:
A: not overly. i smile when i feel like it

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: ... joo

Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: mostly

Q: Where did you sleep last night?:
A: in my bed

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
A: still pyjama :D blue

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: en muista

Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: "fucking caffeine hangovers"

Q: What are you about to do?
A: be sick again

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10? (one is the worst and 10 the best)
A: 25

Q: What do you hear right now?
A: nothing :D

Q: If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
A: hot chocolate.

Q: Anything hurt on your body right now?
A: yes. head, stomach, body.

Q: What's your favorite month?
A: July

Q: What was your elementary schools mascot?
A: British invaders :-s I was a saxon!

Q: WhatÂ’s your favorite bottled water?
A: a flavoured one I bought in Cologne and ate with my Bifi snacks

Q: What were you doing at 9 pm tonight?
A: i'll watch tv ;D

Q: WhatÂ’s your favorite Jamba Juice drink?
A: ehh?

Q: Did you attend your high school prom?
A: nooooooooo

Q: Did you go to someone else's prom?
A: nope

Q: Do you prefer coffee or tea?
A: tea

Q:Closest thing red to you?
A: a strawberry

Q: Favorite color?
A: black and pink

Q: Favorite kind of pizza?
A: peperoni

Q: Ever had Dippin Dots?
A: whats that??

Q: Ever make fun of a homeless person?
A: no

Q: At what age do you want to get married?
A: 20-something

Q: How many kids do you have/want?
A: 2

Q: NAME A FRIEND WHOS NAME STARTS WITH A "E".
A: Emma

Q: DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
A: ?

Q: DO YOU HAVE CURLY HAIR?
A: no

Q: WHAT IS THE NEXT CONCERT YOURE GOING TO?
A: I dunno yet, though I'm definitely going to Amphi Festival in Cologne: Bloodpit!!!

Q: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE AND WHO WAS IT?
A: "I will", Dad

Q: DO YOU WATCH TV?
A: sometimes

Q: HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
A: no

Q: DO YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW?
A: yeah...

Q: EVER BEEN FISHING?
A: yes :D last summer at work we fished in the lunch-break

Q: IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
A: if not, i should hope a relationship is...

Q: WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW?:
A: probably sth useful

Q: DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
A: yepp

Q: DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
A: no

Q: WHO'S THE YOUNGEST ONE IN THE FAMILY ?
A: Jono, aged 12

Q: ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
A: yes

Q: LAST TIME YOU USED A SKATEBOARD?
A: i think it was at Mrs Bott's party in 2004 with my then-boyfriend Chris

Q: EVER RUN OUT OF GAS ON THE ROAD?
A: Nope

Q: DO YOU LIKE CATS?
A: no

Q: DO YOU TELL THE PEPOLE IN YOUR LIFE HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE?
A: no

Q: HOW ARE YOU WITH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?
A: *turns red and bubbles*

Q: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE AND WHY?
A: cant remember, but its one of Wordsworth's

10 years ago..

1.) How old were you?
8

2.) Where did you go to school?
Edwards Hall County Junior School

3.) Where did you work?
I didnt

4.) Where did you live?
Eastwood, near Southend, Essex

5.) Where did you hang out?
ähm....

6.) Did you wear glasses?
no

7.) Who was your best friend/s?
Andrew

8.) How many tattoos did you have?
none

9.) Piercings?
none

10.) What car did you drive?
-

11.) Had you been to a real party yet?
no...

12.) Had your heart broken?
no

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
single


FIVE YEARS AGO.......................................................

1.) How old were you?
13

2.) Where did you go to school?
The Eastwood School

3.) Where did you work?
-

4.) Where did you live?
Shoeburyness

5.) Where did you hang out?
in town

6.) Did you wear glasses?
yes

7.) Who were your best friends?
Becky V

8.) Who was your regular-person crush?
Greg

9.) How many tattoos did you have?
none

10.) How many piercings did you have?
3

11.)What car did you drive?
-

12.) Had you ever had your heart broken?
no

13.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter:
single


**JAN 2007**

1.) How old are you?
18

2.) Where do you work?
in valkeakoski ;D

3.) Where do you live?
in valkeakoski...

4.) Do you wear glasses?
when i can find them, yeah

5.) Do you have a best friend?
yes... Leggi, Laz, Nienke

6.) Do you talk to your old friends?
not really

7.) How many piercings do you have?
4

8.) How many tattoos?
-

9.) What kind of car do you have?
-

10.) Has your heart been broken?
no

11.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?
single

Well... I would write in Finnish, but I'm too tired to, so I'm afraid that this'll be in english. Not that many people, if any, would read this.

Over the last 3 weeks or so, I've not been 100% well. I'm having trouble with a lot of things, and they're bringing me down. My best friend is coming to Finland on Saturday, and so we're having a weekend in Tampere, even though I only live in valkeakoski.

I just don't feel as though I belong to anything. I mean, I have no real style, and I feel totally out of place. Everyone around me is so individual, and pretty, and everything that I'm not. I feel really self conscious out here, and I know that, being foreign is part of this. But....I dunno...

I want to be happier, to fit in, and to succeed at what i do.

I was supposed to go to Klubi tonight to see Private Line, and I had every intention of going, but when the time came to get ready, I just couldn't. I can't explain it. I suppose its because my friends are coming so soon, and I fear what they're going to make of what i've "achieved" in the last four months. Oh, I dunno.

I want someone to put a smile back on my face.

mä muista: torstaina menee tamperelle michin kans, hänellä on syntymäpäivää, ja Deep Insight soittaa Klubilla. Kuka muut menee?

lauantaina mä menee pieksamäkella!! woooo!!! en mä tiedä missä pieksamäki on, mutta mä menee. ei voi olla pitkä koska maksaa junan kans on 32€, ja kun menin utajärvella, se oli kuin 123€ (kiitoksia jannille...mä oon juniori!!) hahaha. Päiväkodissä, Sinikka sanoo se on seudelta Varkaus.... missä on varkaus!?! aaah, nyt menee työissä.

3 viikoa ja 1 päivässa, Leggi (mun 'vaimo') ja Laz tulevat englannista tamperelle!! Ja 20. Joulukuuta, mun perhe (äiti, isä, charlotte ja jono) tulevat ipswichista!! en voi odota!!!

moikka kaikille!!

en mä halua lapset -_- päiväkodissä KAIKKI on kipea... nyt, mulla on flunssa kans :( tänään, tekee "Joulupukki", hän tuli hyvää :oD Lauantaina (ei huomenna, 18.11) menee Pieksamäkella... Flinch soitta taas. Voi... mun kirjassa, mulla on 3 kuvat.... Nellista, Taikasta ja Amysta (Amy on Britti mun kans, en ole yksin!!!) hahahahahaha.

heippa!

xxx

Today, as I was getting ready to walk home, Otto, a 3 year old at the kindergarten came up to me and asked where I was going.

I told him that I was going home, because I'd finished work for the day. He seemed happy with that, and stood watching me put on all my outdoor clothes. Then, he looked up at me and said "But where is your mummy?"
"In England." I replied.
"Oh...is your daddy coming to get you?" he asked.
"No...he's in England too..."
"Oh..."

It was really really cute, but at the same time a bit saddening. Like many people I've met here in Finland, he was under the impression that I live with my family. But no, I don't. I live in a flat with a crazy chinese student, a penguin, 2 monsters that Vëë made me (for my birthday, and when I left), and a badger called Alarik.... not exactly rock'n'roll, but it does me...

hahahaha!