IRC-Galleria

So I´m writing from Grays, Essex, UK finally.
Well I don´t feel well enough to write something but I´ll manage it!

After finding out what is my new family in here like, I decided to move to another family, for me better, to St Albans. If everything goes well, I might be there this weekend already, yay :P
Because I´m simply not happy in here, okey, it´s not my job to be happy but if I have to spend 3 months in here I have to feel better than how I feel right now.
Actually I wanted to move to my new family in 3 weeks time but after yesterday I decided the sooner, the better.
I´m quite scared of the mom, shouting at her own kids, and I´m fed up with the youngest girl, she started to be very annoying like yesterday: "Hug me!" and I said: "No, I will hug You when I want to not when You command me." I understand her why she is all the time annoying and needs attention and is lacking of love but I´m not here to give her what she has never had!

And I found out that even though I understand their English very very well, I need to practise speaking, I always make mistakes and hate it!

On Sunday I have been to London, not much sight seeing yet but we have been to Trafalgar and stuff like this and I have to say: "I miss my Helsinki!", I mean few years ago London meant the center of the entire universe, but not anymore, I caught myself by the thought that I may almost hate London, I mean the city doesn´t mean anything for me anymore, I have no friends there (except You my dear Hanni) and honestly it feels to me like it´s useless to make any friends in here, like I have no good motivation. I always want to explore new countries, people, cultures but I feel stucked in here but on the hand I don´t wanna go back home to Czech either... strange, isn´t it.
I think it´s because of this job, I mean I don´t feel satisfied with job like this, it´s underrated and they just treat You like a servant (palvelja :D), not like in Helsinki with my amazing Finnish family ˙sob˙ So I think if I have normal job or be here as a student, it would be much better (maybe not, who knows), I wouldn´t feel like a slave to anyone, because right now I feel like that due to the fact I can´t leave anywhere else than UK, but hope my holiday in Finland at the end of September will happen and then everything will be okey again.

At least my friends make me happy, Hanni for being here with me, even though in London, I know You´ll get a dream job, no worries!
Pee for doing that well at school (miracles can happen) and going to Oulu which is AMAZING, at least one of us will be living in Suomi for a while!
And yeah, Standa and Tom, especially Tom, my two friends from school. I found out that I miss Tom a looooot, I´m worried about both of them, what if a bear ate them, or Dracula suck their blood, but what´s more, Tom is just a sweetheart! I really love him as a friend, he always makes me feel better and paints a smile onto my face, he cares even though he´s in Romania in the mountains risking his life, oh I miss him and can´t wait to be back at school... weird I know, but at that time this weird dream will end and I will come back to the school reality and my reality.

Now I´m listening to MCR, old albums, esp. Three cheers for sweet revenge (my fave) and it´s great to be back. I put lots of old stuff into my laptop and I watch and listen to it everyday and it´s amazing. I like it a lot. It´s not that I´m reminiscing the old life, it just feels good to know I have some history behind me, like this all reminds me I lived my life somehow in the past so I can built my future on something I have gone through.

Okey, I think it´s enough for now, I know this entry is messy, like all the things I have in my head right now, nothing is on its place and I can´t bare it for too long, I hope it will get better with the new family, because I don´t even remember my dreams, I always got to bed damn tired and wake up unwillingly in the morning by shouting of the kids and mom and during the whole day I feel tired like hell that I barely do what I´m suposed to do here.
No this will change, I will work on it!

Kiitos kaikille for support, I really appreciate it and need it
kisses and hugs